Pure pandemonium
by hadouken5
Summary: Akatsuki and Orochimaru attack Konoha together. Just when things seem hopeless, a hero reappears. What happens afterwards? Pure pandemonium. Naruto/Ino/MassiveHarem
1. Flight

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 1: Flight

"YOU… MONSTER"

Those two words, mere shadows in memory, echoed through the dejected boy's head as he slowly packed his belongings. As he looked around his almost empty apartment, his eyes lingered over the remaining decorations. The alarm clock that never woke him up for important missions, the pile of his favorite ramen cups sitting in the corner, but most importantly, the picture of Team 7. With a sigh, a dejected Uzumaki Naruto left the room and headed out into the Konoha night towards the village gates.

'_**Kit, you should just forget about them and move on'**_

'_Maybe you're right, furball' _

Naruto dashed into the night, dropping his hitai-ate to the ground.

_Flashback_

_It has been months since a bloody and broken Naruto returned from his mission, hauling an unconscious Sasuke over his shoulder. Both shinobi had long-since recovered, and the very atmosphere around the Hidden Leaf village was lighter than ever before._

"_Sakura chaaaaan"_

"_What is it now, Naruto?"_

"_Wanna eat ramen after training? I got something to tell you…"_

"_No"_

"_C'mon" pestered Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja, "my treat"_

"_Not interested"_

_Exasperated, Naruto tried one last time._

"_Sakura-chan, I just wanna…"_

"_NARUTO, FOR THE LAST TIME, NO"_

"_But… but…"_

_Maybe it was the stress of working missions, training with Tsunade, as well as yet another rejection by Saskue, but finally, something in Sakura snapped._

"_Naruto," Sakura raised a clenched fist and set it ablaze with chakara. "I am absolutely sick of you trying to ask me out on dates every time we get back from a mission. I have never and will never even dream about being with such a BAKA who's only dream is to be Hokage. GET A CLUE Naruto. Sasuke is leagues better than you in looks, attitude, dedication, taijutsu, ninjutsu and genjutsu, and I CARE ABOUT HIM. WHY THE HELL do you think I went through all of that training with the Hokage-sama? So you ask me out on a date, asshole. Just give up on me, give up on being the Hokage, and JUST LEAVE ME ALONE."_

_Naruto made one last effort to reach out and calm the raging pink-haired kunoichi_

"_BACK OFF… YOU… MONSTER" Sakura yelled, slapping Naruto in the face and strode away_

_Naruto's sapphire eyes flew wide open, and for the first time in his life, he felt his mask completely shatter._

_End Flashback_

'_Damn it… damn it… damn it'_

'_**WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW, KIT?'**_

'_I don't know… but right now I can't face them… I need to leave for a bit"_

'_**HEH, READY TO DO THINGS MY WAY?'**_

'…'

'_**LOOK AT WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO YOU, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO DESERVE IT?'**_

'…'

'_**WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?'**_

'…'

'_**KIT?'**_

'_Okay, fine… we'll do it your way'_

'_**YES!! NOW, FIRST TRAINING- GET READY TO SHOUT AS LOUD AS YOU CAN…'**_

And with that, the young shinobi perked up and raised a cry that could be heard throughout the lands:

"FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Inside Konoha

(Tsunade looks up) "grumble… stupid hangover"

(Hinata turns over in her sleep) "mmm… harder Naruto…"

(Lee jolting up from bed) "YOSH! THE SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH WAITS FOR NOBODY"

At the village gates

A kunoichi bent down to pick up the abandoned hitai-ate 'oh, naruto-kun'

Inside the Kazekage prefecture

(Garra) "damn, I finally managed to fall asleep too"

Land of the Waves

(Inari sits up) "I want a cookie"

Unknown cave

(Orochimaru mumbles in his sleep) "Perfect ten? Two five year olds…"

Unknown bathouse

(Jiraya looks up) "Damn, looks like I have some work to do"

A few days later, by walking through the streets, it was clear that many people, especially the older generation were celebrating the departure of the demon child. Some were subtle, some weren't. At a well-known bar, it soon became a custom to shout "Great week, isn't it", just to be given one 'on the house'. This practice died down quickly after a certain angry patron hospitalized the customer with an axe-kick that left a crater in the ground. The Konoha 12 continued with their regular lives. They were trained professionals, as was he. There was nothing to be done.

**Three years later**

Throughout Konoha

Ino passed through the village gates, returning from a successful solo mission, but there was something else on her mind as she walked through the village, spotting familiar faces. Hinata was able to finally gain acceptance as the Hyuuga heiress. Kiba was still a pervert, but had finally come to view Hinata as a sister, so he stopped hitting on her. Shino was himself. Neji was growing more irritable, but was no longer blaming things on fate. Tenten could be seen wiping away tears now and then, but largely trained with a renewed focus. Lee maintained his energy, shouting about a certain blonde shinobi's youthfulness and springtime of youth. Shikamaru and Chouji kept with their regular routine, Shikamaru would stare at the clouds while Chouji ate everything in sight. Ino was nowhere to be found. Sasuke and Sakura were growing closer together, perhaps comforting each other in spite of Sai's comments on Sasuke's lack of a penis. Occasionally, Sakura would wonder exactly what it was Naruto wanted to say. However, all of them shared a common thought:

'_Naruto, where are you?'_

In a distant, mysterious land

"ACHOOOOOOOOOO"

'_**BLESS YOU'**_

**One more year later**

In the middle of nowhere

"Well, I'm on my way back" a white-clad man said to nobody in particular, with a foxy grin starting to appear.

"Naruto-sama, I would advise you to refrain from being an arrogant prick upon your return" an older

man jabbed.

"Well, after having an ero-kitsune locked in my body for so long, it's a wonder I'm still sane, and…" the younger man's voice trailed off.

"a virgin" chortled the vulpine man as the pair drew closer to their destination, the laughter quickly stopped after they felt a threatening presence nearby.

"Naruto-sama, leave this to me"

Minutes later, two Sound ninja were lying on the ground, dead in a pool of their own blood. Blood which, for some reason, was still streaming from their noses.

No longer able to contain his excitement, Naruto let out a primal scream

"FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Back in Konoha

Tsunade was at her desk, oblivious to the mountains of paper that threatened to topple over at any moment. Things these days were just too quiet. The Hokage missed seeing the exuberant youth burst in angrily demanding harder missions. She was even wishing she could hear the familiar "baa-chan" cry one last time. Still, she felt deep inside that he was still alive, waiting for the right moment to make his return. After all, he was the number one unpredictable ninja, right?

Suddenly, there was a faint _POOF_ as a masked ANBU appeared, startling Tsunade out of her reverie. The ANBU soldier placed a scroll in her hands. As Tsunade continued reading the scroll, her eyes got wider and wider. Her eyes, previously hazy, had a sharp glint.

"Summon all the jounins and ANBU captains to the stadium at once."

Five minutes later, Tsunade was standing in front of the pride of Konoha, the elite force that had obtained the greatest respect of all the hidden villages, where she made a startling announcement.

"It appears that a terrible situation has risen. Orochimaru has returned." There was a noticeable shiver through the shinobi.

"I thought he was dead."

"Didn't the white flash finish him off? As well as the rest of the Akatsuki?"

Tsunade raised a hand to quell the voices.

"And that's where are troubles start. The Akatsuki are also back, and have joined forces with Orochimaru. They are currently making their way to Konoha and will be here in three days. We will now be commencing emergency defensive procedures. Dismissed."

With that, the shinobi split off to their respective stations.

Tsunade heaved a sigh, _'oh brat, please hurry back'_

Loud shouts and explosions could be heard over the constant clang of kunai and shuriken. At each front, the Konoha ninja seemed to be holding up well, in spite of the massive onslaught of Sound ninja.

Lee and Gai were back to back, surrounded by a steadily increasing pile of bodies. For once, the two were no longer thinking about youthfulness, or pulling strange sunset genjutsu. A trio of foolish Sound chuunin jumped into the fray, brandishing katana. Without breaking stride or looking back, Lee lashed out behind him with a fierce kick, catching the first wide-eyed chuunin in the gut, and flying into the pile of broken bones and dead bodies. Quickly pivoting on his left foot, Lee turned around and threw a punch right through the guard of another chuunin. The third chuunin met a similar end when the . Gai had his nunchaku out and was dealing heavy damage left and right. Still, the two were fighting hard. Gai had opened his sixth gate and subconsciously noted with pride that his former pupil only had his fourth gate open. _'Gotta do extra training'_ he thought, smashing in a shinobi's face while avoiding random shuriken and kunai thrown his way.

Neji, Hinata, Hanabi and Hiashi were in another area, fighting off the invaders in true Hyuuga style. If Janken from one Hyuuga was scary, four at once was absolutely terrifying, comparable to the Tsukiyomi. Four jounin flew through the air each throwing a pair of windmill shuriken. "KAGE SHURIKEN JUTSU!" The eight shuriken became fifty, as they flew in from all angles. Neji smirked and activated his kaiten. The jounin could only stare as the lethal weapons fell down to the ground, leaving the young ninja unharmed. The four jounin gulped. They knew what was coming next. The four Hyuuga members's eyes contracted as they activated the byakugan and slid into a stance that promised a lot of pain.

No less impressive was the battle that the Uchiha survivor fought. With the dreadful chidori lighting up both arms and both legs, Uchiha Saskue fought like a man possessed by a demon and was now locked in fierce combat with the asshole who had promised him the world, but tried to take his soul instead.

'_Damn it, he's still strong after all of these years. What is the secret behind his immortality, anyways?'_ he thought, twisting around Orochimaru's Kusanagi. Sasuke swiped across Orochimaru's body with a roundhouse kick and aimed a chidori-laced thrust at his face.

Other equally impressive battles raged outside the gates of Konoha, but nothing compared to the epic struggle that the legendary Sannin Jiraya and Tsunade fought against the miraculously revived Akatsuki. Katsuyu and Gamabunta towered over the battling shinobi in an effort to even the odds. Even with the help of the two boss summons, however, the Sannin were still being pushed backwards by the incredible strength of the Akatsuki members. 'That's strange,' thought Jiraya, 'they were never this strong before. Their stamina is almost as great as the little brat's stamina. Jiraya's musings were quickly brought to an end as the Hokage punched the ground with all of her might, causing massive tremors that momentarily stopped the battle. _'Kami, that was scary'_ thought Jiraya as the battle went on.

Unfortunately, the battle was not going well. Sure, the elite ninja were living up to their name, but it was evident that they were running low on Chakra reserves. There were only a few Sound ninja left, but Orochimaru and Amatsuki were still going strong. "How… how?" panted Sasuke. "Stupid fuck, I'm immortal, it's no wonder I let you run away, dobe," replied Orochimaru. Meanwhile, the remaining Akatsuki members stood, slightly winded. Tsunade had just separated Zetsu's weird flytrap from the rest of his body with a chakra-powered kick. 'Weird little bastard,' she thought, almost fainting from sheer exhaustion. Next to her, Jiraya stood panting, covered in wounds. As the enemy slowly advanced forward for the kill, a nerdy silver-haired shinobi holding a pair of glasses in one hand started to chuckle inwardly

Tsunade hung her head. "What am I fighting for?" she asked nobody in particular, "since when have I been so devoted to protecting this village as Hokage?" Jiraya smiled sadly and answered, "I think you know the answer." The two were weakening and they knew it. In their prime, this battle would have been a fierce struggle, but they would have had the advantage. Thirty years had not been kind on the two Sennin, even though with Tsunade, it wasn't immediately obvious on the outside. 'We can't give up yet, otherwise we wouldn't ever be able to face Naruto,' the two thought, struggling to get back onto their feet.

Suddenly, there was a massive burst of chakra behind them. The shinobi all turned and searched for the source of this new strength. There, on top of a village gates stood two men. The first man was wearing a black ninja gi, His face was almost entirely hidden, but his dark red eyes conveyed great wisdom and… something else. Next to him was the actual source of the previous burst of chakra. There stood a man with a regal bearing. He wore a pure white cloak that billowed in the wind with a matching turban that completely covered his face. There was a pause, as the Konoha shinobi looked at this new arrival with suspicion. The bright blue eyes crinkled in amusement. There was a brief flash, and then the turbaned stranger appeared between the exhausted Konoha ninja and their enemies. Turning to face the shinobi of Konoha, he spoke in a husky baritone voice.

"Things will be alright now. I'll crush these assholes and punish them for their crimes."

Turning back to face Orochimaru and Akatsuki, the man growled, "Now, it's time to send you bastards to hell" sending chills down the spines of all the spectators.

Hidan was the first to step up and challenge the stranger. The shinobi in white smirked and proceeded to go through a series of complicated seals that nobody watching knew. His eyes went blank for a second, as did the other man's.

'_**Heh, brat, you'd never have guessed it but…'**_

'_Haha, you're right. I wonder why I didn't notice it before'_

By now, Hidan was ready to charge forward, but before he could even flinch, there was another flash and the white ninja was behind the death-obsessed psychopath. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" he shouted, confused, but his eyes widened as he heard what white shinobi was saying to him.

"… and that's when I figured your technique would really help out your sex life. I mean, this way, you two are guaranteed to… finish together. Just be sure to get her blood beforehand." With a wink, the mysterious stranger jumped back to his original position and waited. A faint blush crept over Hidan's cheeks as he stammered, "I… I… can't do this anymore… other important engagements… I have to… quit" leaving the confused Akatsuki yet another member short.

As realization of their opponent dawned on some of the enemy, a couple more antagonists stepped up to fight, but the rest blanched and disappeared, leaving the Konoha ninja even more confused as to what was going on. Orochimaru and Kabuto were the only ones left standing, somewhat bewildered at the sudden betrayal. The two slowly inched their way forward, but stopped as they saw the white-clad warrior's eyes turn crimson red, which went unnoticed by everybody except for Orochimaru and Kabuto. There was a brief pause before the shock registered on their faces. The white shinobi flashed through a series of hand seals so fast, Kakashi and Sasuke blinked their eyes, wondering if they were seeing double.

HIDDEN TECHNIQUE: RETURN TO YOUTH

'Oh shit' thought Orochimaru as he pissed his pants.

'What the fuck' thought Kabuto.

Naruto focused for a moment, his jutsu lighting the area momentarily before he smiled. He was pleased at this new technique. It allowed the user to forcibly modify the personality to return the victim to childlike innocence, innocence that ironically Naruto would never experience.

Kabuto was seated on the grass, plucking up loose blades of grass and scattering them to the winds. The subtle, yet scheming gleam in his eye was replaced by one of youthful innocence. As the grown man continued to pluck away the foliage of Konoha, a bird flew by, startling the previously fearless shinobi. As his hand flew back to regain his balance, he squished an ant on the ground. Tears started to well up into the eyes of the previously cold-hearted man as he lamented the death of the poor insect.

The group then turned their attentions to the other ninja, first with a look of consternation, but then a growing smile. Orochimaru dropped Kusanagi as a butterfly flew by. "Pretty…" he murmured, chasing the harmless creature around the battlefield. The others looked on with a strange mix of horror and amusement as Orochimaru started to roll around, frolicking with the bunnies and squirrels. Naruto smiled underneath his turban.

Jiraya and Tsunade were doing their best not to break down and laugh at the sight of their psychotic ex-teammate and his subordinate playing like children, when they heard a chortle from the least likely source. Aburame Shino, after years of hiding underneath his uniform and sunglasses, snorted at the ridiculous sight of Orochimaru and Kabuto frolicking together.

The bug user's outburst cut the tension in the air as everybody started to laugh, all dignity forgotten.

Orochimaru and Kabuto linked arms and skipped along towards the Land of the Flower Fields while singing a stupid song about being fucking teapots and getting steamed up. A sudden thud made the group look back at the mysterious visitor, who had just collapsed face-first onto the floor. Before any of the concerned leaf shinobi could make a move, the other mysterious visitor appeared in front of Naruto and poofed away.

Minutes later, the duo was resting in a small cave.

'_**YOU DID GOOD, KIT'**_

'_Thanks'_

The village was in an uproar, as ANBU officers were sent left and right to look for the unknown pair. Lee and Gai were at the forefront of the chase, spouting the same crap about youthfulness.

"YOSH!! THE TWO HEROS HAVE SURELY SHOWN GREAT YOUTHFULNESS!!" screamed Lee.

"HAI! THEY ARE SURELY IN THEIR SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH!!" responded Gai.

"LEE"

"GAI-SENSEI"

"LEE"

"GAI-SENSEI"

"LEE"

"GAI-SENSEI"

Tenten and Neji quickly separated the youthful duo before they could complete the deadly kinjutsu: SUNSHINE AND CRASHING WAVES JUTSU.

Everyone was so busy trying to break up the gruesome spectacle that they missed the two figures that flew over their heads. Not that they would've been able to see even if they were paying attention.

Tsunade was once again at her desk, surrounded by paperwork. Her eyes were shut as she concentrated on the odd feeling fluttering through her chest. That man in white. Why was he so familiar? Tsunade tried to rid herself of this odd feeling, when a voice shouted out. A very annoying voice: "WAKE UP, TSUNADE BAA-CHAN!!" Tsunade jerked awake at the sound, ready to lash out at the perpetrator dressed in white, when the words registered in her mind. Falling back into her seat, Tsunade could only stammer "Na… na… naru… Naruto?"

Naruto let his turban fall, only to be greeted by a fist in the face. Tsunade strode over to the young man, peeled him off the wall and enveloped him in a crushing hug. "I missed you so much, don't ever leave me like that again, Naruto-kun, ne?" Tsunade quietly wept tears, but this time, they were tears of joy.

"… and that's what I want you to help me do," finished Naruto.

Tsunade could only stare at the young man that appeared in front of her. Naruto was all grown up. His face exuded confidence, bright sapphire eyes sparkling. With a slight blush, Tsunade noted that he had become handsome since she last saw him. 'He's down right sexy, too. What I wouldn't give to have been born thirty years later…' **'or what you would give if you were born thirty years later. We'd take the Legendary Sucker routine to a whole new level' **she thought, stifling a nosebleed. In spite of all this, she could sense that Naruto had not lost any bit of his boyish charm that she had grown fond of over time. In spite of all the harsh treatment through his life, Naruto was still able to keep that wide grin on his face, which truly warmed her heart.

Naruto darted around Konoha, executing his plan in order to get ready for his grand return. After all, Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja had to live up to his reputation, right?

The following day, the entire shinobi population of Konoha was gathered at the stadium grounds, wondering what was happening. They looked down at the stadium grounds and saw two of their esteemed officers, Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Sasuke waiting with the Godaime. Once the crowd settled down, Tsunade made her announcement:

"I know you are all aware that we most likely would not have won the battle a few days ago had it not been for the assistance of two mysterious strangers. Since then, I have talked with the one in white, and I have agreed to make him and his companions Konoha nin in return for the great service they have done for us. You are therefore gathered to witness the entrance examination, which will determine the rank of our newest shinobi. This will be a match between a team of Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Sasuke versus the White Flash."

There was a murmur of surprise, as the shinobi couldn't fathom who would be insane enough to challenge two of the best shinobi to a fight at the same time.

'_Baka'_

'_Crazy'_

'_Troublesome'_

'_Chips…'_

"Well then," continued Tsunade with a small smile, "Let's start."

"HELL YEA, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" With a poof, Naruto appeared, identity still masked. Kakashi and Sasuke felt a sudden chill go up their spine.

"Hajime"

Before anyone could blink, Naruto disappeared in a quick flash, one that not even the Sharingan could track. A massive killing intent burst from right behind Kakashi, as Naruto went through a series of hand seals. The bystanders looked concerned, worried that their beloved jounin would be the target of a deadly jutsu. Sakura put a hand to her mouth. Tsunade raised an eyebrow. Jiraya started to laugh, as a growing suspicion became definite certainty. _'Oh shit'_ thought Kakashi. Naruto completed the dreadful taijutsu, shouting SENNEN GOROSHI, causing Kakashi to fly into the air, hands clenching a sore butt.

'_**We ain't done yet, right kit?'**_

'_Yea.'_

Naruto pulled out a small, orange book. The cover read "Icha Icha: Paradise volume 1, limited edition." Thanks to his sharingan, Kakashi could still read the cover in spite of the large pain in the ass he was experiencing, and his eyes widened at the sight of such a rare book. Naruto threw the book towards Kakashi, who had a familiar perverted grin. Naruto then made a series of hand seals and brought his right hand to his mouth. "Katon: GOKAKYUU NO JUTSU!" Tsunade started to chuckle. Jiraya went from a laugh to a complete meltdown, as did Kakashi. The two had anime-style tears streaming from their faces as their beloved book was burned to ashes. A quick blow to the neck quickly subdued the perverted jounin, leaving Sasuke and Naruto staring at each other.

"NANI" the crowd shouted, amazed that the copy-nin could be defeated easily. They turned their attention back to the fight on hand.

The Sasuke five years ago would have been overcome with rage at this new development. A new stranger had come up from nowhere and defeats Kakashi in a few minutes. Maybe it was the influence of his ex-teammate, but Sasuke was no longer the cold-hearted arrogant prick of old. Sure, he wasn't a bundle of unbridled energy, and sure, he often snuck sidelong glances at Sai once in a while, but he was no longer the broody teenager that ran away crying when Naruto proved to be the stronger man. Settling into the famous Uchiha taijutsu stance, Sasuke prepared to launch an assault. The strongest Uchiha charged into battle as onlookers drew a breath.

111111111111111111111111111111111111

**Well, that's Chapter 1. Leave a review and let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas. **

**Until next time**


	2. Pandemonium

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 2: Pandemonium

The crowd was in awe. It had already been an hour, and neither combatant looked ready to give up. Sasuke had been hard-pressed to unleash a wide array of ninjutsu, only to find them countered by an even greater force each time. Finally, Sasuke had reached the limits of his patience Performing a series of hand seals, Sasuke lit up his arms and legs in the familiar chidori, Sasuke prepared his self-created taijutsu style: Chidori Jutsu.

"Getting serious now, aren't we, Sasuke-chan?" Naruto taunted, much to Sasuke's chagrin.

The pride of Konoha leapt into action once more, and the two engaged in a deadly dance. Jiraya took out a new notebook, mumbling to himself about branching out as an action-thriller writer. Sasuke would lash out a chidori-laced chop to Naruto's neck, but was surprised to see Naruto arch backwards into a bridge. Pushing off of his hands, Naruto landed a fierce kick in Sasuke's stomach. Recovering, Sasuke was able to slip past Naruto's guard and sweep his leg underneath Naruto, forcing our hero to jump into the air. Sasuke smirked as he followed Naruto's journey. Systematically, Sasuke began to attack Naruto's vital points, cutting tendons and tearing through muscle. Some of the younger genin were shocked at the brutality with which the battle was fought and passed out right away. Sasuke let up on the assault to give the challenger a chance to recant. "You have fought a fine battle, one worthy of my respect. However, it is now time to give up. Yield now." To the surprise of the almost everyone, the alabaster ninja managed to get back onto his feet once again, panting hard and clutching his left arm.

"I can't give up," he said, "I never go back on my word, and I never give up. THIS IS MY NINDO!"

With this declaration, Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Only one man is able to truly say that. NEVER DEFILE THOSE WORDS." With a roar, and a blazing Sharingan, Sasuke shot forward, with the Chidori focused on his right hand.

'Where have I seen this before' thought Naruto with a hint of irony.

With that, Naruto moved to intercept the Uchiha. A multicolored ball of chakra started to swirl around his right hand. 'Oh ho,'thought Jiraya, chuckling, 'the gaki actually did it. Tsunade's eyebrows were raised to the point where they started to retract into her hair. 'No way.' Meanwhile, the onlookers watched with great anticipation.

As they drew closer, there was a look of sheer determination on Naruto, while Sasuke started to feel a tiny bit of doubt creep into the back of his mind.

"Kinda familiar, huh" shouted Naruto, raising the arm containing the completed Rasengan, "I seem to remember this exact same situation a while ago, even if nobody knows the truth behind the matter. The shock on his face made Saskue slow down and lower his hand just a bit. Naruto retracted the Rasengan and looked Sasuke in the eye. However, Sasuke was moving too fast and was unable to react. Tsunade gasped in horror as she watched Sasuke plunge his fist into Naruto's heart.

"Heh," smirked Naruto.

With a poof, the Kage Bunshin vanished into thin air.

Tsunade let out an inaudible sigh of relief and looked about for the real shinobi. Up in the stadium, a concessions stand vendor looked on in surprise as the man who was supposed to be fighting was running around looking for some ramen. Suddenly, the man shuddered and disappeared in a flash, leaving the mystified vendor with a bowl of uneaten ramen.

Back on the battle turf, Sasuke tried to collect thoughts and composure when Naruto made his reappearance.

'Damn it,' thought Sasuke, 'I'm running low on chakra, and if this guy is who I think he is, then I'm in trouble.'

The fight resumed, but it was clear that Sasuke was at a disadvantage. His movements were slower, and he looked short of breath. Finally, Naruto vanished in a flash only to appear behind Sasuke. A quick blow to the back of the head brought Sasuke to his knees. Naruto then pulled out a scroll and summoned a pair of daggers, one as white as snow and the other as black as night. Naruto reached down and lowered the white one to Sasuke's eyes. With a flash, the dagger quickly flashed across Sasuke's forehead, leaving a gash across Sasuke's hitai-ate. "Told ya I could do it on my own." Sasuke's eyes opened even wider as he recalled the defining moment

_Flashback_

"_You can't even scratch my hitai-ate," smirked Sasuke as the two prepared to battle._

_End Flashback_

"Na… Na… Naruto… you're back," gasped Sasuke as he fell unconscious.

Naruto reached up, untying the turban, letting the white cloth fall to the ground. There was a large chorus of gasps and shouts as the spectators started to recognize Konoha's number one unpredictable ninja. "KAI" shouted many shinobi, checking to make sure they were not under genjutsu. Naruto snickered. "I thought that you guys wouldn't believe that I'm actually Naruto, so I planned a couple of things in advance that should assure you that I am indeed Naruto. Now, if you could all take a look up at the Hokage monument, I believe that you will see something Konoha hasn't seen in quite a while." The shinobi followed Naruto's gaze to the Hokage monument, and were shocked to see that the faces were covered in graffiti once more. Iruka slapped his forehead and sighed, 'That's Naruto, alright.' There was still a bit of doubt in some of the other shinobi's eyes, especially those that did not know that Naruto was responsible for the famous 'Hokage makeover' of many years ago.

"I know what some of you are thinking, that this isn't enough to show that I'm the real deal" declared Naruto, "so I took the liberty of preparing something else that should prove my identity. Now, if you would all follow me…"

Naruto lead the group along the familiar road to Ichiraku's Ramen, where fifty bowls were already laid out. When they got there, most of the shinobi started to grin. Naruto's insane appetite for ramen, especially Ichiraku's, was well known among the shinobi. 'Now, what exactly is he planning to do?' the crowd wondered.

"Now, you all are wondering, what exactly do I plan to do with all this ramen, right?" Naruto smirked as Teuchi and Ayame started to dish out bowls of ramen. "This here is a test of my love of ramen, as well as my improved skills these past few years. You see, while I was busy training, I travelled the lands, visiting many ramen vendors, but none of them could compare to the heaven that is Ichiraku." Here, Teuchi rubbed the back of his head and Ayame blushed a little. "One day, when I was meditating, I realized that my method of ramen consumption was a bit… crude." All of the shinobi who had ever watched Naruto eat sweatdropped at that. "Then, one day, I was struck with a sudden inspiration, a stroke of genius if I do say so myself. Indeed, this is a skill that will be of great use when I finally become Hokage. I wanted to save the honors of testing this out until I got back to Ichiraku's. So everybody, pay very close attention…" Naruto made a cross with his fingers and performed what has now become the most overused jutsu in his life. KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU. Fifty Naruto clones sat down and pulled out a pair of chopsticks, shouting "Itadakimasu." The bunshins rapidly finished their bowls of ramen, slamming the bowls down with a content sigh at the same time. After all of the bunshins poofed out of existence, Naruto gave a contented sigh, "Man, it really does feel like I've eaten fifty bowls of ramen."

All of the shinobi's mouths hit the floor as Sakura punched Naruto in the gut. "YOU CALLED US HERE JUST BECAUSE YOU FOUND A FASTER WAY TO EAT YOUR FUCKING RAMEN… IS THIS WHAT YOU SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS DOING??"

"Haruno-san, what did you do that for?" Sakura shuddered at the cold manner Naruto used to address her. "For your information, this idea was true brilliance. Now I don't have to wait as long to eat all of my ramen, and I still get the same amount of enjoyment when it's all said and…" he was cut off as Tsunade hit him in the face with a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

"GAKI, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT YOU CAN BECOME HOKAGE WITH THOSE STUPID IDEAS OF YOURS? SERIOUSLY, IF YOU WANT TO BE HOKAGE, YOU HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND MAKE BETTER USE OF YOUR TIME AND EFFORT, BAKA."

Naruto merely grinned, "Actually, baa-chan, this little demonstration was meant to help teach YOU how to be a better Hokage. Were you ever wondering how the Yondaime was ever able to finish all of his paperwork? Well, I think I've stumbled upon the answer right here, Tsunade baa-chan."

Tsunade turned beet red as she realized what Naruto was hinting at, and a tick mark appeared on her forehead, while everyone else sweatdropped. She quickly created ten kage bunshins and had them run to the Hokage Tower to do a bunch of paperwork. She then quickly enveloped Naruto into another hug, but then quickly stepped back, blushing. There was a sly grin as the Kunoichi could see what caused this reaction. When Naruto was busy slurping ramen, he had taken his cloak and jacket off, revealing his clothing underneath. Like his cloak, both his shirt and pants were the purest white, but there was an orange fox silhouette across the back of the shirt. His pants, no longer a hideous shade of orange, hinted at a strong lower body. His shirt fluttered in the wind, pressing the fabric against a muscular and well-toned body. The sleeves were rolled up to reveal a complimentary pair of fully-loaded guns. Naruto reached up with one hand to rub the back of his head. This subtle movement allowed the kunoichi to glimpse Naruto's muscles in action, causing them all to turn various shades of red, while most of them started to drool. The men simply watched in disbelief and jealousy, although Sai was taking quick glances out of the corner of his eyes and making quick sketches in a notebook. A loud THUMP startled the shinobi out of their reverie, as two kunoichi, both with activated Byakugan fainted and fell to the ground with a tiny bit of blood trickling down their noses. 'Why didn't we use the Byakugan like this before?' the two Hyuuga daughters thought.

Meanwhile, Sakura was in a daze. Naruto had reappeared out of the blue to defeat Orochimaru and the Akatsuki at the same time. Then, he beat Kakashi and Sasuke in a 2 on 1 fight, followed by an old prank, as well as the… interesting ramen demonstration. What surprised Sakura most, however, was not how… good looking he became (although she was one of the kunoichi who drooled once the cloak came off). Instead, it was the cold, impersonal manner in which Naruto had addressed her. Sure, she had said some mean things to him during her last meeting, which probably lead to his disappearance, but she still couldn't understand why Naruto was still bitter and distant, or the Hokage, for that matter.

_Flashback_

"_YOU SAID WHAT?" shouted Tsunade, furious._

_Sakura had just finished tearfully describing her final meeting with Naruto and was now trembling in fear at the sight of the Hokage._

_Tsunade could not believe her ears. She had always known that her apprentice had always been harsh with her favorite blonde, but the abuse that Sakura had laid on Naruto this time was uncalled for. She brought a hand down onto the desk, turning the heavy wooden desk into splinters, causing Sakura to sweatdrop. It took all of her self control to not empty her bladder as Tsunade opened her mouth once again, but this time instead of a yell, Tsunade spoke in an even voice._

"_Haruno," Sakura shuddered at the chill in Tsunade's whisper, "please leave this office at once."_

_Sakura was gone faster than she could say "Kyuubi."_

_**The next day**_

_Sakura was back in the Hokage's office, almost unable to hear what was coming next._

"…_and that's why I can no longer have you as my apprentice anymore."_

_Sakura's mind went blank. Unconsciously, she felt her legs walk out the door and take the long steps to her house. She knew she was wrong to yell at Naruto. He was just being himself, and she had completely crushed him. She decided that she would go see him later that day to apologize._

_End Flashback_

By then, the two Hyuuga sisters had fully recovered from their fainting spells. By then, the crowd had gotten over the shock and was now bombarding Naruto with questions and compliments.

"Where have you been?"

"Just how strong are you?

"YOSH! I SEE THAT YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE BURNING BRIGHTER THAN EVER!"

"Will you go out with me?"

"Will you marry me?"

"What were those jutsu you used the other day?"

"Did you seriously master the legendary Hiraishin no jutsu?"

"Will you have my babies?"

"WE MUST HAVE A SPAR SOMETIME, AND IF I LOSE, I WILL RUN 500 LAPS AROUND KONOHA ON MY INDEX FINGERS! IF I CANNOT DO THAT, I WILL DRINK A GALLON OF MILK IN A MINUTE!"

"Are you…?"

Naruto laughed. "Slow down there, I'll answer all of your questions in time," he chuckled, as his baritone voice sent shivers down the spines of all of the kunoichi. "Firstly, I've mostly been training these past several years with an… old friend. I don't know exactly how strong I am. Lee, you will no longer be my rival if you use the words 'flame of youth' or the stupid Sunshine no Jutsu. About the dating and marriage and whatnot, I'm sorry ladies, but I do not deserve to be with any of you." This, of course, set the hearts of all the kunoichi racing once more.

"Anyways," continued Naruto, "My jutsu I would like to keep secret for a little bit longer. It took forever to learn how to perform and reduce the number of hand seals, so I do not wish for a couple of copy-cats stealing my precious jutsu right away."

Sasuke and Kakashi woke up, sneezing.

With that, Naruto disappeared with another flash to the amazement of the crowd.

"He's so cool, I wish I could have a boyfriend like him" sighed a young genin kunoichi, earning a few glares from the older kunoichi.

For the first time in four years, Ino had a true smile on her face. She didn't really like how all of the other kunoichi were going gaga over the new Naruto, but it was true. He was, for the lack of a better word, hot. Ino started to get hot and flustered, so she closed her eyes and listened to the conversation on the streets.

"You really want to buy that?"

"Hey, let's go grab a bite to eat."

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TOUCHING?" a white haired ninja holding a notebook flew through the air.

"Have you seen…"

"I'm tired."

"Perfectly toned muscles…"

"Nice ass…"

"And those blue eyes…"

"Barbeque pork…"

"Those whiskers…"

"Troublesome…"

"He's so dreamy…"

Ino was startled from her reverie with a slight wave of… jealousy? As a faint blush started to creep into her cheeks, she quickly hurried on, trying to ignore the various women (and some men) crushing on the former brat of Konoha.

The truth was, Ino had always had a little soft spot for her fellow blonde, and it wasn't just because they shared the same hair color. Maybe it was because of her clan's special jutsu, but Ino had always been good at reading people's minds. Right from the beginning, from their first day in ninja academy, she could tell that he was a boy who hid a great sorrow behind a mask. Sure, he was constantly grinning like a stupid idiot, but there was something deeper, a hidden emotion underneath a mask. She wanted to approach him and try to understand why he deliberately hid from the world, but was sidetracked when forehead girl declared her undying love for Sasuke-kun. Unfortunately, her young school-girl mind would not back down to a challenge. After all, it was THE Uchiha Sasuke that everyone was talking about. As she grew older, she looked back and regretted her decision to get to know Naruto better.

It seemed as if fate itself was keeping the two blondes apart when they were assigned to different teams. On the outside, she was groaning because she couldn't be with Sasuke, but on the inside, she knew that she desired to be with Naruto. As time went by, she saw less and less of Naruto, as they were never assigned on missions together. She heard stories of his accomplishments and was impressed, but she saw so little of the boy that she did not give it too much thought. She was still caught up with her stupid rivalry with Sasuke. 'Damn it, it's so confusing' she thought, suddenly dashing to run back home. She needed a bath to calm her nerves. Instead, she collided with a figure running in the opposite direction and fell to the ground hard.

"You okay?" Ino heard a voice tinged with concern, as well as a pair of arms lightly hoisting her back to her feet. A pair of strong arms. A pair of fine muscular, toned arms.

"You okay?" Asked a concerned Naruto.

Ino blushed and pulled back suddenly. She brought her hands up and started to do the Hinata's fingertip thing when she realized what she was doing. Blushing slightly she looked at Naruto and murmured a soft "hey."

"Hey there yourself, Ino," Naruto flashed a wide grin.

'_Damn it,' _thought Ino, _'it's almost like he knows what I'm thinking.'_

Shaking her head, she hardened her resolve. "Um… Naruto? How would you like to go eat some ramen later?"

Naruto smiled even wider, "sounds great, I'll see you at Ichiraku's at 6, then."

A loud stampede interrupted their reverie. "Oh shit." Naruto's eyes widened as he saw a large number of scary fan girls storming his direction.

"Guess I have to end this one way or another," sighed Naruto as he crossed his fingers in a familiar seal and created some kage bunshin. Then the fangirls started to attack. The resultant scale of destruction of assault was impossible to describe, but all of the bunshins were being glomped left and right by overzealous fangirls. The memories of each bunshin were then transferred to our loveable blonde who was trying to make his escape. The horrors of all of the memories were overwhelming, and Naruto simply fainted in the middle of the street. When he woke up, he found himself staring into a pair of pale lavender eyes.

"Na… na… Naruto kun, are you alright?" Asked the concerned Hyuuga heiress.

"AHHHHHH!! SCARY!!" Shouted Naruto as he ran away again. He was still having nightmares about the crazy fangirls from earlier.

Hinata blinked once and went along on her way.

At the Kunoichi Weekly press

"HURRY UP, WE HAVE TO MAKE THESE REVISIONS FAST"

A team of journalists were scrambling about, trying to fix the top 10 most eligible bachelors in Konoha list, as well as the top 10 hottest male shinobi in Fire Country list.

"Hey, if I write nice things about Naruto, do you think he'll go on a date with me?" whispered one giggling girl to another.

Inside Naruto's Apartment

Naruto sneezed as he looked over the hellhole that served as his home for over thirteen years. The door hung loosely on its hinges, as if a mob had forcefully entered the apartment. Looking inside, Naruto could see the broken furniture scattered around, the holes in the walls, and what appeared to be a brutally murdered fox strewn across the floor.

The walls were covered in graffiti. The older paint had the familiar crap from the past: "Die", "Demon brat" and "Trash" adorned the walls. Then, Naruto caught a glimpse of what appeared to be newer paint. Naruto allowed a grin to flash over his face as he read "Troublesome" and "Kiba was here, fuckers". Looking down, he was amused to see an intact potato chip. However, this brief reprieve passed as he once again swept his eyes over the demolished apartment.

Naruto's companion gave a sigh. "You know, Kit, just I can't read your mind doesn't mean that I can't understand what you're feeling. Sometimes you just gotta let things go."

Naruto grinned. "You're right, ero-kitsune. Besides, we have a meeting to attend, don't we?"

With that, the two shushined out of the apartment and headed towards the Hokage's office.

At the Hokage's office

Naruto was standing in front of a crowd that included the entire Konoha 12, their former jounin sensei, Iruka, a few ANBU members, as well as Jiraya and Tsunade. Once again, the questions flowed from everywhere, forcing Naruto to wave a hand and calm the crowd.

"Whoa there, one at a time. Baa-chan, you first."

"Where have you been all this time, brat?"

Naruto grinned. "Training, of course, and I've been all over the place meeting up with old friends. I stopped by the Sand for a while, I also stopped by at Wave Country to see Tazuna, Tsunami and Inari. Oh yea, I stayed over at the Snow country for a while as well. That was about half a year. The rest of the time, I was in my new secret training area. I've also been hunting many missing-nin, as I'm sure you've noticed that the bingo book has been cut in half these past few years."

Sasuke spoke up next. "What about the new jutsu you used?"

"Heh, about those. Those jutsu aren't jutsu that you can copy with that Sharingan, even if you could copy all of my hand seals. Think of it as a sort of bloodline. As for the details, regarding the one that I used against the masochistic bastard, you know, the one that cuts himself all the time, well, that jutsu basically allows me to look into his heart and see his deepest desires and fears. I believe that Miss Yamanaka's secret family jutsu originated from this ability. Perhaps we can meet up later and compare note, as I wish to further develop this ability. What do you say, Ino-hime?" The use of the suffix brought a crimson blush to Ino's face, as well as looks of extreme jealousy from the other kunoichi.

"H…H…Hai," stammered a flustered Ino. _'What the hell is wrong with me? Sure he's really hot, but I'm acting even worse than Hinata'_

"Anyways," Naruto continued, "the one that I used against Orochimaru and Kabuto. One of my personal favorites. Now, I trust that you all remember that before I left, my genjutsu abilities sucked." Jiraya let out a snort.

Naruto glared at the toad sennin, "that's when I discovered an alternative to genjutsu. You see, genjutsu affects the senses: sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing. However, I have a bloodline limit that puts the sharingan to shame."

At this, Sasuke and Kakashi looked shocked, and Sakura aimed a chakra-laced punch at Naruto, trying to send him into the wall. "SHUT UP NARUTO, SASUKE-KUN'S SHARINGAN IS UNBEATABLE." To everybody's surprise, Naruto just stood there, taking Sakura's punch to the jaw without flinching. The temperature of the room dropped visibly as Naruto spoke with an icy voice. "Haruno-san. In the past, I allowed your pathetic punches to send me through walls in hopes that your incessant violent tendencies would be quelled. It appears that I have failed. I strongly advise that you refrain from attempting to assault me, physically or," Naruto's eyes flashed dangerously, "verbally."

Naruto resumed his speech dryly, "as I was saying, instead of affecting the senses like genjutsu, I am able to directly alter the brain telepathically, either temporarily or permanently. As you saw the other day, I can turn a couple of bloodthirsty killers into innocent little boys. I suspect that our little friends are currently at a candy store somewhere, trying to charm their way to an extra candy bar or something."

At a candy store in the Sound Village

"AAAACHOOOOO!"

"Eww you sneezed. Now you have snot coming out of your…. AAACHOOOOOOOOO!"

Naruto's eyes seemed to zone out momentarily, but then he snapped back to reality with a grin and looked toward Kurenai. The beautiful kunoichi spoke up firmly, "Hai, Naruto-kun?" but couldn't keep the blush from appearing across her cheeks. Fortuantely, this went unnoticed by everybody except for Anko, who smirked.

'_So,'_ she thought to herself, _'the ice queen of Konoha is starting to melt. Gotta remember to tease her for that later. Anyways, back to what I was doing.'_ Anko licked her lips as she continued to imagine herself and Naruto together in the Forest of Death.

"Kurenai-sensei, I would be delighted if you would teach me the finer points of genjutsu, as I'm sure the similarities between my techniques and yours are sure to be beneficial to us both. I have never been formerly trained in genjutsu, as all of my knowledge has come from….within, so there are still lots of flaws with my jutsu. The way things are, the hand seals take too long to form, and it uses a ton of chakra. So what do you say, you help me out, and I'm pretty sure that I can help you out with any problems that you may be having." Naruto flashed his trademark foxy grin.

By now, some of the kunoichi were fuming. First Ino and now Kurenai? Their own chances seemed to fade faster and faster as time went by. Anko's smile grew wider. Meanwhile, Kurenai did not completely trust her voice, so she just nodded her assent.

"Ahem," coughed Jiraya, "gaki, I've been wondering something. The technique you used against Kakashi and Sasuke to get past them. You've learned the Yondaime's famous Hiraishin, haven't you?"

As Naruto laughed, the older shinobi's eyes widened, and the younger shinobi looked at each other in confusion. "Well, when I read about it, I thought it would be a good jutsu to learn, so I set about creating my own set of three-pronged kunai. And that's when it hit me. The secret to the Hiraishin is simple. All you have to do is…" the shinobi leaned forward, listening to every word.

"HAHA NOT TELLING!" yelled the hyperactive blonde, as all of the other shinobi fell on their faces, anime style.

Sasuke spoke up, "what about that Kage Bunshin? It didn't disappear after I hit it with Chidori."

"Ah, about that," mused a pensive Naruto. "Part of my training involved improving my weaknesses. I was kinda getting tired of all of my bunshins getting the crap kicked out of them. Remember how all of the bunshin's memories are sent back to the original? Well, I've been blown up, punched, sliced and diced, buried in sand and chidoried more times than I ever want, so I've finally figured out how to strengthen the kage bunshin. You see, because I was doing only one hand seal for jounin-level jutsu, the clones were only durable enough to take one hit. In order to create a more stable bunshin, you need to add more chakra, a lot more chakra. Just one of these take about the same as 5000 of my regular bunshins. "

Anko licked her lips, thinking about the things she could do with a couple of these special bunshin. Kurenai and Ino had glazed eyes with a hint of a nosebleed.

"YOSH! HIS FLAMES OF YOUTH ARE BURNING BRIGHTER THAN EVER BEFORE!"

"GUY-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GUY-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

The stunning crash of an ocean wave on rocks with an enormous sunset in the distance suddenly sprang up behind the youthful shinobi. The crowd sweat-dropped at the destructive genjutsu and Kakashi was on the floor rolling after trying to copy the damned Sunset and Ocean technique. They all knew what was coming next, the dreaded Toothflash jutsu.

Naruto reached around Ino's waist and untied her hitai-ate, causing Ino to blush once more. He used the reflective surface of the forehead protector to reflect the deadly rays away from the shinobi. The beams of light created by Lee and Gai's Toothflash no jutsu drilled into the walls, causing the others to sweatdrop.

Meanwhile, Hinata had finally worked up the courage to speak.

"Ano, Naruto-kun? Why did you leave Konoha in the first place?"

Sakura visibly paled at this, but Naruto simply deadpanned, "Hina-chan, sometimes you just need to get away for a while and resolve your issues within. Just as you have dealt with your own problems, I had a few…demons of my own to sort out and purge."

A couple of the older shinobi jerked involuntarily, but the younger shinobi didn't pay attention. Naruto clapped his hands with a soft smile.

"I think it's time for us to call it a day, regrettable as it is. Don't worry, I'll still be around if any of you want to talk, spar or… play," several kunoichi fainted at this. "Tsunade-baachan, Jiraya-sensei, Iruka-sensei and Shizune-neechan, if you four could stay here for a second, please. I have something further to discuss."

After the others shambled out (Anko and Kurenai had to be forcibly removed) and Naruto finished setting up soundproof seals around the office, Naruto turned to the remaining four.

"Now, I consider you four to be my family, so I have something very important to tell you about my travels. I'd like to introduce to you an old friend of mine, Kyuubi."

The older man in sable from the other day stepped forward to the shock of the four observers.

Iruka was the first to scrape his jaw off the floor. "Kyuubi… as in The Kyuubi that was sealed inside of you??"

Jiraya pulled out a kunai and Tsunade settled down into her combat stance as Kyuubi stepped forward. Kyuubi flashed a foxy grin. "Don't worry about me. I have no ill intentions towards Konoha and its citizens, even if many of them have made Naruto's life a living hell. Furthermore, although I still remember all of my demonic techniques, I only have about one tail of power. Naru-chan here absorbed most of my powers and has been trained in all of my jutsu, which is why he is so damn powerful now."

Jiraya was the first to process this new information. "So you're saying that Naruto now possesses eight tails of power? No wonder why he beat Sasuke and Kakashi so easily."

Kyuubi snorted, "Baka." **'Tell them, kit'**

Naruto chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Actually Jiraya-sensei, I'm a bit stronger than that," he said, causing the others to sweatdrop. "It appears that, in order to seal a demon, the container naturally develops enough chakra to overpower the demonic chakra. Without the furball's help, I am as powerful as Kyuubi was during the attack, and with it, I am strong enough to fight all of the other tailed demons to a standstill at the same time. "

Still trying to recover from her shock, Tsunade managed to raise an eyebrow. "So how exactly did you manage to release your dear friend? Last time I checked, it was impossible without killing you both."

"Well, I've been able to release Ero-sensei for a while now. If I create a Kage bunshin only using his chakra, then the bunshin will be his bunshin, complete with his knowledge and personality. However, as time went along, I started to absorb more and more of ero-sensei's chakra. Things were pretty emotional as I started to absorb the ninth tail. Ero-sensei is really an awesome demon. Fortunately, because he had such little chakra left, I was able to physically separate both of us, leaving him with the chakra that he has now without causing harm to either of us. I think dad put flaws in the seal on purpose for this exact reason. In fact, I'm sure of it."

Jiraya spoke up once again. "Not that I don't mind, but why is do you call the Kyuubi ero-sensei? I thought I was Konoha's number one super-pervert. What happened to Ero-sennin?"

Naruto and Kyuubi laughed at this.

"Kid, you and I are gonna go on a trip together, you still have much to learn, and it has been a while since I have taken on an apprentice." Jiraya's face contorted into a lecherous grin.

The two perverts jumped out the window with appropriately perverse grins.

"Ahh, damn," muttered Naruto, "I was hoping they'd stay a little longer. Why do you guys look so shocked. I mean, all of my teachers have been perverts. Iruka-sensei and Oji-san couldn't handle my Sexy no Jutsu when I was just a kid. Ebisu-sensei was a closet pervert. Kakashi-sensei would read porn all the time and Jiraya-sensei would stop by the brothels at every town we visited."

At this, Iruka blushed while Tsunade and Shizune sweatdropped.

"One final thing. I think it's about time that I step up and take my inheritance, ne?" Naruto rummaged through the desk before pulling out a small, golden key. "Can't wait to see what dad's house looks like." With a foxy grin and a bright white flash, Naruto disappeared leaving the remaining three flabbergasted.

Tsunade pulled out a bottle of sake. "I'm gonna need this, so don't even try taking this away, Shizune."

To Tsunade's surprise, Shizune pulled out her own bottle and Iruka took out yet another.

"Bottom's up" they mumbled, downing the sake straight from the bottle.

It was the greatest revival of fangirldom in Konoha's history. After the realization that Sasuke and Sai were gay, only the creepy yaoi fangirls had anything to celebrate, and even then, it wasn't as fun when they were actually gay. Now that an unattached Naruto had burst onto the scene, lovestruck village girls and kunoichi alike were swarming Konoha. It was as if a new light had swept through the village, in the form of our favorite hyperactive blond.

Perhaps the happiest civilian in Konoha at the moment was Teuchi, owner of Ichiraku's ramen stand. When Naruto left, business went down by more than half. The Konoha twelve and their sensei would drop by now and then, but things were never the same without the hyperactive blond ninja. Now that the crazy ninja had made his return, his stand was swamped by women and kunoichi ordering ramen hoping for a chance at a lunch date with Naruto. This rapid influx of the female population naturally attracted perverts like Kiba, Kakashi and Jiraya who also bought ramen to have an excuse to ogle the women. This made Teuchi very happy just watching all the ryo flow into his wallet. However, what really made Teuchi happy was that Naruto was finally being accepted by the community that had shunned him for now. Having served ramen for the demon container for many years, Teuchi had come to view Naruto as much more than a valued customer. Years of serving ramen to the hyperactive blond had allowed Teuchi to develop deep fondness and respect for Naruto. Now that he was back, an all-you-can-eat ramen fest seemed appropriate. Speaking of which…

"KYAAA!"

"It's Naruto-kun!"

"Don't let him escape!"

Teuchi grinned and set a large bowl of miso ramen on the counter. In a flash, Naruto was at the booth, ready to dig in, but the ever-persistent fangirls were starting to piss off Teuchi and Naruto. Finally, Naruto snapped. With a tick on his forehead, he shouted to the old man to close his eyes. Focusing his chakra, he called out, "**GREEN BEAST HAREM JUTSU**". The crazy fangirls were treated to the horrifying sight of multiple Gai's and Lee's hugging each other, causing them all to faint. With a contented sigh, Naruto finished off his last bowl, left some money and with a conspiratorial wink to Ayame, hirashined away once again.

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**Well there's Chapter 2... leave a review**

**Also, let me know who you want in the harem. Ino is already in, Sakura is almost definitely out. Other than that, anyone (including fillers, dead people and Femhaku) is a possibility**


	3. The Princess and her Fox

**First, a couple of responses to my dear reviewers:**

**Flak the Fox: Don't worry about the baddies, they'll be back and ready for another ass-kicking**

**Kidloco: You'll see very soon if you keep reading**

**Ryuvision: I know what you mean about Hinata (read my A/N at the end)**

**Challenger: A cookie for the fem zetsu suggestion  
**

**See below for harem info**

**ONTO THE MAIN EVENT!**

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 3: The Princess and her Fox

Ino had finished closing up shop for the day and was rummaging through her closet. After a bit of searching, she emerged with a small rectangular case. Settling onto her bed, she pulled out the item contained within. It was a beaten and worn down hitai-ate.

_Flashback_

_Ino was on her way back home after a late night interrogation session. She had just been accepted by Ibiki as an apprentice a few days ago and he was already working her to the bone. Truthfully, Ino was glad that Ibiki had taken such great interest in her abilities. Ino had often questioned her strength and worth as a kunoichi, a self-doubt that was further emphasized once Sakura started to receive special attention from the Godaime herself. Ino snorted, the bitch had likely gotten Naruto to ask Tsunade to take her on as an apprentice._

_As she walked along the street, she barely noticed the orange blur that rushed past her._

'_Was that Naruto? What's he doing at this hour?'_

_Curious, Ino sped off in the direction that her fellow blond had rushed off to._

_Minutes later, she arrived at the village gate and saw Naruto hold out his hitai-ate._

'_What's going on? Is Naruto running away from Konoha?'_

_She watched, transfixed as the hitai-ate dropped to the ground. She remained motionless until a loud cry jolted her from her reverie._

"_FUCK YEAAAAAA!"_

_Ino walked over to the hitai-ate and picked it up. Her delicate fingers traced the Leaf symbol. _

'_Just what is going on?'_

_End flashback_

A few months later when it was apparent that Naruto was not coming back soon, Tsunade had gathered the younger generation of shinobi and explained Naruto's connection with the Kyuubi. Quite a few of the shinobi expressed outrage at having a demon within their ranks until Shino logically pointed out that a tenant and its container are two separate entities. The buzzing insects hidden in his sleeves threatened to suck the shinobi of every drop of chakra.

To Ino, many of her questions regarding Naruto became instantly clear- his isolation, determination and fierce loyalty.

With Naruto's reappearance in Konoha, Ino's feelings for the blond returned tenfold. It didn't hurt that he came back looking like a god. She pictured his strong arms holding her tightly while those luscious lips trailed along her neck, leaving butterfly kisses along the way. He'd then force her onto the bed while she ran her hands over his firm chest and rock hard abs. After that, she would wrap her milky white legs around his waist-

Ino blinked and sniffed the air, smelling the strong scent of her arousal. She sighed.

'_Damn, I just did the laundry yesterday.'_

Whenever Ino lost herself in her fantasies involving herself and a certain blond shinobi, she would go out for a walk, as the cool air usually served to calm her down. Oftentimes, she would end up at the top of the Hokage Monument, where Naruto was known to frequent. Ino would sit there trying to figure out exactly what drew Naruto to that place.

Soon enough, she found herself at the top of the Hokage Monument. Ino stretched out her arms and breathed in the fresh air. She glanced over the heads of the five Hokage and spotted a lone figure seated atop the Yondaime's head. Ino walked to the seated figure, ready to call out when the man turned around.

"Ino-chan?"

Ino was grateful that the night managed to obscure the deep flush that spread across her cheeks when Naruto addressed her. Images of her earlier fantasy assaulted her mind, but she forcibly reorganized her thoughts.

"Yeah, it's me, Naruto-kun," _'Since when have I called him Naruto-kun?'_

If Naruto picked up on the suffix, he gave no indication that he had noticed. Instead, he patted the ground next to him, silently offering Ino a seat, which she happily took.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Ino started to shiver. She began to rub her arms in an effort to warm herself up when she felt Naruto drape his cloak over her shoulders. She gave Naruto a look of gratefulness while trying not to stare at his chest and arms.

Fuck it, she decided as she started to ogle the blond god at her side. She was so focused on undressing Naruto with her eyes that she almost missed his question.

"So Ino-chan, tell me what you've been up to while I've been gone?"

Ino proceeded to give Naruto a condensed history of her life. When she was done, Naruto leaned back and sighed.

"Must be nice then, huh?"

Years of interrogation had trained Ino to pick up on the subtleties of a person's mannerisms. She instantly noticed the slight sag of his shoulders and the faint, wistful sigh.

"Naruto, I'm sorry."

"Eh?"

"I'm sorry for everything- for laughing at you and your dreams, never believing in you. I ignored you and I wasn't there for you when you needed a friend. I've probably hurt you deeper than I can even imagine…"

"…"

Ino squirmed uncomfortably during the silence. Finally, Naruto replied.

"So you know about the fox, then."

It wasn't a question, but Ino still nodded.

Naruto laid back with his arms folded behind his back and eyes closed.

"It really hurt, Ino-chan. The feeling of being alone, having nobody to turn to for encouragement and constantly having your dreams thrown in your face is the worst thing in the world. I remember everything that has happened to me, all of the beatings, the hateful glares and whispers, everything."

Ino hung her head in shame, berating her younger self for her stupidity.

"Thank you, Ino-chan."

"Huh?"

"Ino-chan, you were the second person to ever apologize to me, after Iruka-sensei. It really means a lot to me. I forgive you"

Ino bowed her head, a light blush adorning her beautiful features.

"S-s-s-so what are you going to do now, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto sat back up and sighed.

"I don't know, Ino-chan. Probably wander over the place, continue to travel. Konoha doesn't need me anymore."

"You can't do that, Naruto-kun! We all missed you!"

"…"

"We want you to stay here with us."

Naruto snorted, raising Ino's ire.

"I want you to stay, Naruto-kun…"

Ino gasped and clasped her hand over her mouth. She didn't mean to blurt that out loud. She cast a nervous glance at the frozen blond next to her before preparing to run away to avoid any future embarrassment. Before she could flee, a hand darted forward and snatched her wrist, gently turning her around to face Naruto.

"Do you really mean that?"

Ino looked into Naruto's eyes and instantly melted. His eyes conveyed such an expressive mixture of hope, joy and happiness that Ino's heart instantly went out to the blond.

She shyly nodded, _'I've fallen in love with him…'_

Slowly, Naruto leaned towards Ino.

"I think..."

Ino reciprocated the action, heart pounding and her lips slightly parted in anticipation.

"…I can..."

Naruto placed one hand underneath Ino's chin while Ino placed her hands on his shoulders.

"…begin to…"

Their lips were inches apart. Ino could feel Naruto's warm breath tickling her face. Ino closed her eyes.

'_Almost there, Just one more-'_

"**GO KIT GO!"**

"THAT'S MY APPRENTICE!"

"**MAKE ME PROUD TO HAVE LIVED INSIDE YOU ALL THESE YEARS!"**

"TAKE HER WHEN YOU GET BACK HOME!"

"**FUCK THAT, TAKE HER NOW!"**

Naruto and Ino instantly separated from one another with expressions of shock, embarrassment,

mortification and anger intermingled amongst one another.

"Kyuubi! Jiraiya! What the hell are you two doing here?"

Kyuubi and Jiraiya materialized in front of the pair.

"I never thought I'd live to see this day!"

"EHH??"

"**That's right, kit. Don't you just want to rip off her clothes right now and try out the position from Icha Icha Volume 4, page 95?"**

"…"

Jiraiya took Naruto's silence as approval and turned to Kyuubi.

"YOSH! IT SEEMS THAT THE BRAT'S FLAMES OF PERVERSION SHINE BRIGHTLY!"

"**INDEED. IF I CANNOT MATCH HIS LEVEL OF PERVERSION, I WILL READ TWO WHOLE ICHA ICHA BOOKS WHILE LEERING AT ALL THE WOMEN THAT WALK BY! AND IF I CANNOT DO THAT, I WILL STEAL 50 PAIRS OF PANTIES IN AN HOUR!"**

Jiraiya jumped towards the Demon King and the two embraced in a hug. Behind them, the background shifted to depict a sunset and waves crashing against a rock.

"OH! KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"**JIRAIYA-KUN!"**

"KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"**JIRAIYA-KUN!"**

"KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"**JIRAIYA-KUN!"**

"KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"**JIRAIYA-KUN!"**

"KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"**JIRAIYA-KUN!"**

"KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"**JIRAIYA-KUN!"**

"KYUUBI-SENSEI!"

"AHEM!"

The pervert duo looked over each other's shoulders to find Naruto and Ino crouched behind them with an explosive tag in hand. Naruto quickly attached his to Kyuubi's posterior while Ino did the same to Jiraiya.

Jiraiya turned back to Kyuubi.

"This is going to hurt like hell, right?"

"**Pray to the God of Porn, my dear apprentice."**

"Well, this is it."

With a resounding BOOM, the explosive tags ignited, sending the pair hurtling through space, followed by a disemboweled wail.

"IT LOOKS LIKE TEAM HENTAI'S BLASTING OFF!"

Ino cheered and Naruto did a tiny victory dance as Jiraiya and Kyuubi vanished in a twinkle of light.

Their eyes met momentarily, and they quickly turned away, blushing.

"W-w-well I should be heading back home soon."

"Y-y-yeah. I'll see you later, Ino-chan."

The two future lovers parted, blissfully unaware of the future in store.

The next day, Ino was seated outside her favorite café, absentmindedly stirring a cup of tea and picking at a half-eaten salad. Ibiki had let her out early for lunch. It wasn't her fault that she was too distracted to work. Damn that Naruto for getting her all hot and bothered. She had gone home that night and went to bed, trying to scratch her Naruto itch.

As a result, she showed up to the Interrogation and Torture Department late, cranky and sore. Ino started her rounds, grumbling. The first criminal was a convicted rapist, and Ino wasted no time reducing the vile scum into a whimpering puddle of flesh. She quickly moved onto the next prisoner, a known drug lord and quickly dismantled the man with the same efficiency. Ibiki watched on in a strange mixture of horror and pride as his apprentice systematically broke down all of the hardened criminals in custody. However, Ibiki felt that it was necessary to intervene when a bloodstained and slightly maniacal Ino stalked towards a terrified teenager convicted of shoplifting.

After kindly suggesting that Ino run home for a shower as well as an early lunch, Ibiki decided to be the nice guy and let the teen leave. He probably needed a change of pants, judging from the putrid odor coming from his direction.

Ino was roused from her musings when she heard a soft rumbling in the distance. A white flash lit up the streets, after which a panicked Naruto could be seen.

'_What the hell?'_

"Hey, Ino-chan, you have to hide me, quick; the fangirls are after me."

"Naruto? That's the first thing you say to me? Where are your manners?"

"Hurry, Ino-chan, hide me; they're trying to rape me!"

Ino looked Naruto up and down. He certainly looked fuckable, wearing that tight muscle t-shirt and pants that accentuated that nice, firm-

Ino quickly quashed the sudden urge to rape Naruto in the middle of the street with everybody watching. Instead, she threw Naruto underneath her table, much to Naruto's relief.

Naruto's relief changed to embarrassment as he soon realized that he had a clear view of Ino's baby blue panties.

'_I wonder if Ino is wearing a matching bra… damn you, Ero-sensei, Ero-sennin'_

Somewhere in the sky, Jiraiya and Kyuubi sneezed, sending them flying further away.

Naruto moved to crawl out from underneath the table to avoid further embarrassment, but immediately ducked back underneath the table when he spotted a large group of girls prowling around, similar to a bunch of foxes searching for a rabbit. A fucking hot rabbit.

'_That was close,'_ thought Naruto before a hand reached underneath the table and violently jerked him from underneath.

After Ino had thrown Naruto underneath the table, she concocted an impromptu plan. She uncrossed her legs and slightly parted them, hopefully giving Naruto an eyeful. She was about to trail one hand along her thigh, when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Yamanaka-san, I like you. Please go out with me."

Ino looked up to see a village boy with his head bowed, holding out a bouquet of flowers, flowers that she had arranged for the boy the day before. Stupid bastard.

She slapped the fool in the face.

"You ass, I arranged that for you. You don't give a girl the flowers that she arranged and ask her out. Besides, I already have a boyfriend."

"Oh? Who?"

'_Fuck. He might be persistent, but he's still a bastard'_

Hardening her resolve, she reached under the table and pulled Naruto out.

The other boy's eyes narrowed, "I don't believe you, what was he doing under there?"

Ino quickly answered, "Scratching an itch I had."

Neither of the boys missed the innuendo, but the villager quickly regained his composure.

"So a lunch date, huh?"

"Yeah, we were eating together before you interrupted us."

"I only see one meal on the table. What about your boyfriend?"

Ino smirked, "He was eating, trust me. I know he's eagerly anticipating dessert."

By then, Naruto's brain had already crashed as visions of Ino removing her baby blue underwear assaulted his mind. Still, the villager was persistent, so Ino decided to take charge.

"You want proof, huh? Then watch this."

She grabbed the back of Naruto's face and mashed her face into his, sucking his face off. Ino then grabbed his hands and tried to place them at the small of her back, but Naruto's hands slipped a bit and landed on her ass. The shock of felling a women's posterior for the first time caused Naruto to clench his hands and squeeze Ino's butt, eliciting an erotic moan from the kunoichi.

Meanwhile, the fangirls noticed Naruto being pulled out from under the table. Before they could approach their blond hottie to offer their services, one Yamanaka Ino grabbed Naruto and started to make out. The fangirls were even more surprised to see Naruto return the kiss. Even worse, this was Yamanaka Ino, the kunoichi who had single-handedly defeated the entire Sasuke Yaoi platoon at age 9 wielding only a blunt practice kunai.

Naruto was lost in his own world. His first real kiss with Yamanaka Ino, the beautiful blonde he had secretly crushed on before he knew what a crush was. He gasped in surprise as Ino licking her lips and felt a spark of electricity as Ino's tongue entered his mouth, ravaging every crevice of his mouth. It was then that Naruto decided to try something spontaneous. Thanking Kami for his greatly improved chakra control, Naruto releasing a steady stream of chakra from to the tenketsu in his tongue and slid his tongue into Ino's eager mouth.

The effect was instantaneous, and Ino would have completely collapsed had Naruto not supported her. To Ino, Naruto's chakra-laced tongue entering her mouth was mind-blowingly orgasmic. It took all of her shinobi training and focus to not cum right away.

Still, Ino noted that neither of them were experts at kissing, as she had only kissed Shikamaru a few times during her genin years and the only kiss that Naruto had was likely the accidental one he had with Sasuke at the academy. It was just something that the two of them simply needed to practice. As she moaned when another orgasmic wave coursed through her body, Ino made a mental note to practice with Naruto more often.

The couple slowly broke apart, slightly panting. They lovingly stared into each other's eyes until a voice broke the silence.

"Umm… Naruto-kun? Tsunade-sama wishes to see you. I suppose Ino-san should came go as well."

Naruto and Ino turned to see a red-faced Shizune, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with either of the blonds.

Naruto sighed, "We can use the Hirashin, then."

Ino immediately draped herself over Naruto's body while Shizune chose to hold onto Naruto's outstretched arm. With a flash, the trio disappeared, leaving no sign of their presence, except for a cup of tea, a half-eaten salad and a lump of change.

Tsunade was drifting off to sleep when a flash illuminated her office. She looked up and saw Naruto standing there with Ino wrapped around Naruto and Shizune hanging off his arm. Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"I must say, seeing you with Naruto is a surprise Ino, but you too Shizune?"

Tsunade's apprentice stepped back, blushing and shaking her head.

Naruto spoke up, saving the blushing kunoichi from further embarrassment.

"What's up, baachan?"

Tsunade resisted the urge to punch Naruto in the face and instead tossed a scroll at Naruto, who deftly caught it and began to read its contents. As Naruto continued to read through the document, the tick mark on his forehead appeared and started to violently pulse. When he finished, he looked up and glared at Tsunade.

"What the hell is up with this 'Clan Restoration Act?'"

Tsunade stared right back, refusing to give ground, "You are the last of your clan, so you need to repopulate your clan, seeing as your entire clan sacrificed themselves during the Kyuubi attack…"

"**Yeah, sorry about that, kit."**

Jiraiya and Kyuubi climbed through the window and entered the office, acting as if they hadn't been sent into orbit recently. Jiraiya gleefully pulled out a notebook.

"Ah, you make me so proud, brat. So how does it feel knowing that you are about to live every man's dream soon?"

Tsunade and Kyuubi sniggered as a red-faced Naruto pointed at Jiraiya.

"HEY! Shut up Ero-Sennin! That's why no women ever want to have sex with you, baka!" Jiraiya hung his head in shame. "Besides", Naruto continued in a more subdued voice, "I don't think Ino-chan would like me having another girlfriend."

"Yeah," agreed Kyuubi, "even if she did approve, she'd probably only let you marry the really fat and ugly village girls…"

Jiraiya put on a look of mock horror until Ino leaned towards Naruto's voice and murmured so that the rest of the people in the office could hear, "Actually, Naru-kun, that's not a problem at all. Did I forget to mention that I'm bisexual?"

Naruto's eyes glazed over while Kyuubi and Jiraiya fainted.

Elsewhere in Fire country, two kunoichi wearing Sound headbands were headed towards Konoha.

"THAT GODDAMN FATHERFUCKING SNAKECUNTSUCKING MANWHORE! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MISSION IS THIS?"

"Calm down, Tayuya-chan, you know what that Orochimaru-sama will do to you. He's been in a terrible mood ever since he was released from Uzumaki's jutsu.

"…"

"Tayuya-chan…"

"…Fine, let's just hurry the fuck up and get this shit over with"

"Roger that"

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**Another chapter done, thanks for all of the reviews and suggestions. Keep them coming!  
**

**Here are the girls' positions in the harem:**

**In: Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki, Yukie, Haruna**

**Probable: Shizune, Kurenai, Anko, Yugao, Yakumo, Kyuubi's relative(OC), Fem Zetsu, Kin, Mikoto, Temari, Tenten, Yugito, FemHaku, Sasame, Hana/Tsume  
**

**Considering: Tsunade, Hanabi, Karin, Rin, Isaribi, Suzumebachi, Hokuto  
**

**Doubtful: Fem Deidara, Konan, Hinata, Moegi, Kagero**

**Out: Sakura, Nibi, Kamina, Ranke, Fugai, Karebana, Kyaku, Fuka**

**But wait, there's more...**

**Voting time: Remember to vote early and often!**

**1) Should Kyuubi's relative to be added to harem be his mom, his sister(older or younger) or some other relative?**

**2) Should Hana(Kiba's sister) or Tsume(Kiba's mom) be added to the harem (only one)**

**3) Should Hinata be a part of the harem? (A/N: I know that Hinata is overused and overabused in Naruto FF, even though I belteve in canon NaruHina. Be careful of what you wish for, because NaruHina can easily blow up. After yaoi, the worst thing in Naruto FF is a NaruHina done poorly P)**

**4) Should Fem Zetsu be in the harem?** (**A/N: I really like this idea for its originality, and I think I know how to make it work, but if nobody wants to see it happen, then I won't bother...)**


	4. Hello Kitty

**A/N: Early release… It's shorter than usual, but it's good, trust me**

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 4: Hello Kitty

At first, Naruto was taken aback by the sheer number of women flocking around him when he left the Hokage's Tower, but he shrugged it off as the strange behavior of fangirls. Even Shizune-neechan had given him funny looks as he left the building. Ino was by his side, shooting death glares at all of the lusting girls. Somewhat oblivious to the icy death match underway, Naruto continued with Ino on their impromptu date, which for Ino meant a lot of shopping. Each tem Ino emerged from the dressing room, she carried a large bundle of clothes in her arms while Naruto prayed for Gama-chan's health.

Strangely enough, his precious frog wallet never lost any weight, as all of the clerks waived the purchases and instead left him little slips of papers with phone numbers hastily scribbled.

Each time they would leave a store, Naruto would create a kage bunshin to carry the bags back to Ino's apartment while Ino ripped the hussy's phone number to shreds. Ino would then drag Naruto to the next store, and the steadily growing collection of fangirls continued to following behind. The kunoichi in the crowd unsuccessfully tried the replacement technique on Ino in hopes that they would be able to snag the blond god for themselves.

Finally, Naruto had enough of the rampaging females. Whirling around, he turned to confront the army of estrogen. As he did so, he saw many of the girls hurriedly tucking away a small colored pamphlet, but one teenager was too wrapped up in her fantasy to notice.

With a flash, Naruto disappeared and reappeared in the midst of his fan club and plucked the questionable document from the unsuspecting girl's hands. Blocking a slap aimed at his ass and dodging a hand that shot out towards his groin, Naruto pored over the pamphlet with wide eyes.

'_Damn,'_ thought Anko and Yugao at the same time.

The pamphlet fluttered to the floor. On it was a picture of Naruto in the 'Good Guy' pose with a caption underneath.

'Want to date a shinobi? Now you can, thanks to the Clan Restoration Act. Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto, the son of the Yondaime is the last of his clan and is looking for strong, beautiful women to love and cherish. This message was brought to you by the fantastic Team Hentai.'

"WHAT THE HELL, ERO-SENSEI, ERO-SENNIN!"

Deep inside Kyuubi's lairs, Jiraiya and Kyuubi were giggling as they outlined the next Icha Icha epic: Icha Icha Harem Dreams. Suddenly, a cold shiver ran down their spines. Something bad was going to happen to them soon.

"Marry me, Naruto-sama!"

"Father my children!"

"Have sex with me!"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched as the demands grew louder and more vulgar. Finally, he held his hand up for silence, effectively stopping the shouting.

"Okay, listen up everybody. It's true that I have to marry multiple women to restore my clan. However, I am not going to just sleep around for the hell of it. I love my precious people too much to do that. If you wish to go out with me, Ino-chan has to approve."

Using the Hirashin, Naruto appeared behind Ino and wrapped his arms around her body in a warm hug. The other females watched this fighting the urge to either squeal or kill the blonde kunoichi.

A loud voice cut through the air.

"It's not fair! Why do we have to ask permission from Yamanaka-sempai to ride your large, meaty cock?"

The crowd turned as one and stared at a red-faced Hanabi.

Hyuuga Hanabi.

The daughter of the head of the most prestigious clan in Konoha.

A clan that rose to power thanks to their powerful eyes that granted the user a near-360 degree field of vision, as well as the ability to see through walls.

Apparently, the Byakugan could see through clothing as well.

Yamanaka Ino fainted in Naruto's arms.

With a sigh, Naruto picked Ino up in her arms and Hirashined away to leave the girls to squabble some more.

Anko turned to Hanabi with a maniacal grin on her face.

"So, kid, how big was it?"

Hanabi's grin was a reflection of Anko's own.

"Huge."

Anko licked her lips.

Yugao creamed in her pants.

Naruto shivered as he arrived at the Yamanaka household. His newly-developed fangirl sense was firing on all cylinders. Shoving those thoughts aside, he shifted Ino sin his arms and knocked on the door.

After a moment, Yamanaka Inoichi answered the door.

"Ahh, good evening Namikaze-san, what can I do-"

He froze as he saw an unconscious Ino in Naruto's arms.

His gaze hardened as his eyes focused on Naruto, or to be specific, his left hand.

When Naruto moved Ino to knock on the door, he had slid his left hand underneath Ino's butt in order to maintain stability. Before the Yamanaka patriarch arrived at the door, Naruto had forgotten to move his hand away from Ino's shapely ass.

Oops.

Naruto watched in morbid fascination as Inoichi's face went through an interesting progression of facial expressions and colors.

Pale. Normal.

White. Shock.

Red. Anger.

Purple. Unbridled rage.

Blue.

Naruto was a very brave shinobi, and willing to do anything to save a comrade. If you asked him to rescue a friend's puppy from the deepest Akatsuki lair, he'd do it right away. Hell, he'd even join Lee and Gai in wearing those ugly-ass jumpsuits if it would cure a friend's cold, he'd do it. After a great deal of consideration, of course.

However, there were two situations that Naruto would do anything in order to escape, including abandoning his comrades, Kakashi's saying be damned.

The first was butt sex with Orochimaru. No way.

The second was facing angry parents thinking that he had violated their princess' purity.

Naruto gently laid Ino on the ground before retreating to his apartment on a flash. Inoichi started to follow, but his paternal instincts took over. He gently shook Ino awake.

"Princess, wake up."

"Daddy? Where's Naru-kun?"

"Don't worry, Ino-hime. Namikaze won't get to you anymore. Daddy will protect you."

Ino's face flushed red, not in embarrassment, but in anger."

"DADDY, YOU BAKA!"

She hit her father in the stomach with a chakra-laced punch and stalked into the house and slammed the door in Inoichi's face.

The next day, Naruto was at the Tsunade's office to pick up his mission. He looked down at the scroll and scowled.

"Baachan, what the hell is this? An S-ranked mission to capture Tora the cat? I did this as a genin, and besides, I refuse to chase that damn animal."

Tsunade resisted the urge to throw her paperweight at the fuming blond.

"Naruto, Tora's evasion capabilities have constantly improved with each capture mission. It took Kiba, Shino and Hinata five hours to spot the cat, and then a strike force of Lee, Tenten and Neji to capture Tora after an hour of battling."

Naruto's eyes widened before his face settled into a comfortable smirk.

'_Finally, a worthy challenge for my skills.'_

"Very well, Tsunade-baachan, I accept this mission. Expect to see me soon."

With a white flash, Naruto left the office. He had a feisty feline to hunt.

Three hours later, Naruto was tired, thirsty and extremely pissed off. He had spotted the feline several times and had engaged it in battle on a couple of occasions. Naruto had managed to shave off a few hairs from Tora's tail when he had caught it by surprise, but that was it.

Naruto was not quite as lucky. Tora had managed to weave through his defense and unleash a devastating fury of claw swipes that left scratch marks all over his arms and shredded all of his clothing.

Ignoring the lustful stares of the women on the streets, Naruto stumbled through the streets and headed off towards Tora the devil cat. He thanked Kami that he had managed to plant a tracker seal on the feline during their last encounter. The furry bastard had nothing on the former container of the great demon fox.

Training ground 43 was quiet. The grass was green the sky was blue with puffy white clouds. A gentle breeze stirred the grass and leaves. A lone cat could be seen walking through the grass.

The cat had a red ribbon affixed to its right ear and a large scar in the middle of its forehead.

Still, the training ground was peaceful.

A lone cry echoed through the training grounds.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU DAMN BASTARD!"

Instantly on alert, Tora turned around and scratched the blond shinobi in the face. The blond jumped back, clutching his bleeding face.

Tora smirked inwardly. It was another grand day. Nobody could defeat the mighty Tora!

The shinobi burst into flames and with a jolt, Tora was hoisted into the air by the neck and came face to face with a sadistic Naruto. Maybe today wasn't such a great day after all…

As Naruto stared at Tora, he felt an odd, tingling sensation in the hand holding Tora. Brushing that aside, he reached inside his pouch and pulled out a tri-pronged kunai.

"Alright, you little bastard, I'm going to neuter you and feed your testicles to Sasuke-teme."

Before he could proceed with his plan, he suddenly recognized the sensation in his hand. It was an advanced genjutsu, but what could it be hiding?

Naruto focused his chakra and muttered "Kai."

The resultant explosion and surge of chakra blew Naruto back, causing him to relinquish his hold on Tora, who was enveloped in smoke.

As Naruto looked on, he heard a decidedly female voice come from the smoke.

"What were you going to do to me?"

The smoke started to fade away, revealing a figure that looked very human and very female. As the smoke dissipated Naruto realized two things.

One, she had a small, red ribbon in her luxurious brunette hair.

Two, she was completely naked.

Naruto's brain shut down as he fainted.

Elsewhere, a figure emerged from the shadow, a pamphlet in hand, the very same pamphlet that had nearly incited a riot among the women in Konoha.

'_It appears that I have found your weakness, Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto-san. Your foolish love for women shall be your downfall once Leader-sama finds out.'_

With that, the mysterious figure slipped back into the shadows to report his discovery to the rest of the Akatsuki members.

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**Haha, bet you didn't see that one coming, did you? The idea actually came to me while I was dreaming last night. I kid you not...  
**

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I certainly did. Remember to review and revote!**

**In: Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki (Bird country ruler), Yukie, Haruna, Kurenai, Anko, Yugao**

**Probable:**

**Tora(0)**

**Shizune(3)**

**Yakumo(3)**

**Kyuubi's older sister(5)/younger sister(8)/mom(5)/daughter(0) (-2)**

**Fem Zetsu(5)(-7)**

**Kin(2)**

**Mikoto(6)**

**Temari(7)**

**Tenten(7)**

**Yugito(6)**

**Femhaku(6)**

**Sasame(2)**

**Ayame(2)**

**Karin(4)**

**Hana(9)/Tsume(8)**

**Considering**

**Tsunade(4)**

**Tsunami(1)**

**Hanabi(2)**

**Rin(4)**

**Isaribi(2)**

**Suzumebachi(1)**

**Hokuto(2)**

**Matsuri(1)**

**Doubtful:**

**Fem Deidara(3)**

**Konan(4)**

**Hinata(7)(-7)**

**Moegi(2)**

**Kagero(1)**

**Out:**

**Sakura**

**Nibi**

**Kamina**

**Ranke**

**Fugai**

**Karenbana**

**Kyaku**

**Fuka**

**Tsubaki**

**The old polls still apply, but there are a couple new ones**

**1) Should Kyuubi's relative to be added to harem be his mom, his sister(older or younger), his daughter (NEW!) or some other relative?**

**2) Should Hana(Kiba's sister) or Tsume(Kiba's mom) be added to the harem (only one)**

**3) Should Hinata be a part of the harem? (A/N: I know that Hinata is overused and overabused in Naruto FF, even though I belteve in canon NaruHina. Be careful of what you wish for, because NaruHina can easily blow up. After yaoi, the worst thing in Naruto FF is a NaruHina done poorly P)**

**4) Should Fem Zetsu be in the harem?** (**A/N: I assure you that FemZetsu will NOT be a cannibalistic plant)**

**5) Should Tora be included in the harem?**

**6) Team Hentai is actively recruiting. Who should be accepted, Kakashi, Kiba or someone else?**


	5. Schemes and Plots

**In honor of my 69th review, (Good job, WINDxNINJA) here's chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, but I do own Team Hentai!**

Chapter 5: Schemes and plots

Leader-sama was not very happy. He had ordered the Akatsuki to attack Konoha with Orochimaru in hopes of luring out the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki, only for the blond to turn an absolute victory into crushing defeat.

After taking into account Naruto's newly revealed powers, any attempt to assault Konoha seemed likely to fail.

Leader-sama scowled. Until they discovered the former Jinchuuriki's weakness, it would be impossible to progress with their plans.

"Leader-sama, I have discovered the Kyuubi container's weakness."

Leader perked up, hardly daring to believe his ears. Had Zetsu really found a weakness, or was he still delusional after his beat down at the hands of Tsunade? The plant man handed a pamphlet to Leader, who smirked after he read through the flyer.

"**So, the brat has is weak against women. How very interesting. Zetsu, gather all our members for an important meeting. This Uzumaki brat will meet his match soon…"**

Naruto sneezed, causing the now human Tora to flinch back in disgust.

"Eww, that's fucking gross. I didn't know that retards got sick."

"Hey shut up! Man, someone must be talking about me."

"Hmph!"

Tora turned to walk away, but being unused to bipedal walking, tripped and started to fall. Right before she hit the ground, two strong arms grabbed her, halting her decent. She looked up to see Naruto grinning at her. She wrestled out of his grasp and glared at him.

"What're you looking at, shithead?

"Err… are you a human or a cat?"

Tora sighed, "I'm a full blooded human, and I was a genin fresh out of academy. It was my first C-ranked mission, and I tried to use Henge, but I ended up screwing up the hand seal on accident. Turned myself into a fucking cat, and I couldn't change back because I couldn't form seals to channel my chakra."

Naruto couldn't help it and sniggered at Tora's misfortune, much to the former feline's irritation.

"Hey, shut up, cocksucker."

"Sheesh, no need to swear."

"I'll say whatever the fuck I want. Got it, asshole?"

She spun on her heel and stalked away, only to fall to the ground once more. Naruto sweatdropped as Tora once again swore up a storm.

'_Is there anyone who swears as much as she does?'_

Over at the village gates, Tayuya and Karin were sneaking into Konoha when Tayuya sneezed, alerting an ANBU squad to their presence.

"What do you cocksuckers want?"

Karin and the ANBU squad sweat dropped.

"Uhh… Tora? You okay?"

"Naruto looked in concern as Tora clutched at her ankle, grimacing in pain.

"Urg… I think I twisted my ankle. You're a shinobi, right? Use some healing jutsu on me right now."

'_Shit, the only medical jutsu Kyuubi has taught me was the contraception jutsu. Stupid Ero-sensei.'_

"Uhh, I don't know any medical jutsu, but I can take you to someone who does."

"Then hurry the fuck up!"

Naruto sighed and pulled off his shirt and pants before tossing his clothing to the girl on the ground. Tora looked up in surprise.

"What's this for?"

"Get dressed, I'm not taking you into town naked."

Tora looked down at her state of undress and flushed red. She quickly grabbed her clothes and covered her sensitive areas.

"Turn around you pervert!"

Naruto complied and waited while Tora gradually slid the clothes on.

"Alright, now take me to someone who can treat me fast."

Naruto sighed, were all women always this bossy? He turned towards Tora to pick her up and froze. In her undressed state, Naruto had tried his best to avoid staring at Tora. Looking at Tora, he was struck with the sheer elegance and beauty that the brunette seemed to exude.

Tora flipped Naruto the bird, "What the hell are you looking at, fucktard?"

'_Charming'_

Naruto hoisted Tora over his shoulder and darted off to Tsunade's office, ignoring her repeated protests and threats of violence.

Tsunade enjoyed sending teams on Tora retrieval missions to watch them get riled up. Even the ever-docile Hinata was foaming at the mouth when she returned with scratches all over her face. She had seen it all, except for Naruto's reaction. That's why, when the damned cat had run away yet again, Tsunade immediately assigned the mission to Naruto and waited for the blond to return.

When Tsunade heard Naruto's dulcet tones carry through the door with the customary 'baachan', Tsunade was prepared for many things. She expected to see a worn, yet triumphant Naruto hauling a yowling Tora by the tail. It wouldn't surprise her to see Naruto return empty-handed, asking for backup. Hell, he could have brought Tora back in a body bag and Tsunade wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

That's why, when Naruto walked in with a grumpy expression on his face hoisting an equally pissed brunette over her shoulder, Tsunade's preplanned smirk fell apart to be replaced by one of befuddlement.

Naruto placed the brunette on Tsunade's desk, dodging the kick aimed for his face.

"Heal her, please."

After Tsunade applied her jutsu, she turned to Naruto.

"Okay, Naruto. I told you to go and fetch a cat and you come back in only your boxers with a strange girl wearing your clothes. What the hell happened?"

"Erm… this is Tora. She was stuck in an advanced cat henge all this time"

Tsunade snickered, while Tora shot a death glare at the Hokage.

"**So brat… have you done the nasty with her yet? I know that your precious Ino-hime would just love a threesome."**

Naruto turned pale and cast a nervous look at Tora, who was turning an interesting shade of red while furiously waving at Jiraiya and Kyuubi, who had appeared out of nowhere, to stop.

"That's my boy! You're going to be my inspiration for future Icha Icha."

Naruto stepped away from a shaking Tora and started planning his escape routes.

"**Kit, you're on your way to the pinnacle of perversion- the massive orgy! Make me proud!"**

Tora snapped.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING MANWHORES! I'LL FUCKING CASTRATE YOU AND RAPE YOU WITH YOUR OWN DICK IF YOU KEEP TALKING! YOU HEAR ME?"

Jiraiya and Kyuubi nodded, frightened beyond belief.

'_My god, I thought that Hanzo was scary, but this woman… I can't move'_

'_**Damn it. I'm the all-powerful Kyuubi, but this vixen's killer intent is suffocating me. What incredible power…'**_

Tsunade watched with her mouth hanging open as Tora verbally castrated one of the Legendary Sanin and the King of Demons. The perverted duo visibly gulped as Tora stalked over to them, pulling back both of her fists before sending them crashing into their faces, sending Jiraiya and Kyuubi flying away.

"IT LOOKS LIKE TEAM HENTAI'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!"

Tora turned to a whimpering Naruto and dragged him out of the Hokage's tower by the ear while Tsunade watched the two.

'_Something tells me we're going to see more of her soon. I sure hope there isn't anyone else like her here.'_

Out in the streets, Tora released Naruto and dumped him unceremoniously in the street.

"So, where am I living?"

"Well, I figured that if you didn't have anywhere else to stay, you could always stay with me."

Tora turned to yell at Naruto, but felt her breath hitch when she stared into his warm, blue eyes. She felt a strange sensation settle in her stomach.

'_What's happening to me?'_

"Naruto…"

Naruto smiled and put his hands at the back of his head, making Tora's heart flutter.

'_It's not possible… I can't have…'_

Her musings were interrupted as she let out a sneeze. The force of the blast blew her head back, causing her to collide painfully with the woman behind her.

Tayuya and Karin tired, hungry and pissed. It was supposed to have been a simple mission, find Uzumaki Naruto and discover his weakness. Suicidal, but simple nonetheless. However, after narrowly escaping the ANBU, their target was nowhere to be found.

"ARRRGH! FUCK THIS SHIT! I SAY WE GO BACK TO OROCHIMARU AND TELL HIM TO SHOVE THIS MISSION UP HIS ASS!"

"Tayuya-chan, calm down. You know we can't do that. Orochimaru-sama is just too powerful, and these curse seals just make things worse for us."

Tayuya took a couple of calming breaths. Cursing her master in the middle of Konoha might not be the best idea. Instead, she decided to fantasize about ripping Orochimaru and Kabuto to shreds with her summons.

Her musings were interrupted as she let out a sneeze. The force of the blast blew her head back, causing her to collide painfully with the woman behind her.

Meanwhile at the Akatsuki base, the members were gathered around in a circle, most of them wearing looks of shock and horror.

"We have to do WHAT?"

Leader sighed. Why was it so hard for his group to understand the brilliance of his plans?

"According to the data that Zetsu has provided, the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki's only weakness is his love for women."

Kakazu spoke up, "Why can't we just have Konan and Deidara go and seduce the brat?"

Deidara's indignant voice piped, "I'm a guy, damn it."

Itachi giggled, causing everyone to pause and stare. Itachi was showing emotion? Something was wrong. Itachi pulled out a stick of Pocky and glared at everybody.

Leader coughed to regain attention.

"Even with this weakness, Namikaze is not a foe to be underestimated. That's why all of you will have to apply this seal to your bodies, temporarily turning you all into females. Not even the legendary medic-nin Tsunade would be able to tell."

Grumbling, the Akatsuki members lined up one by one for the temporary sex change. Leader-sama's orders are absolute. No matter what.

When Tayuya and Tora bumped heads that Konoha day, the winds of change blew through Konoha, signaling new, chaotic times.

The fiery beauties turned as one to stare at each other, and the atmosphere around the two dropped considerably.

'_Oh shit,'_ thought Naruto and Karin.

'_Who the fuck is this slut?' _thought Tora and Tayuya.

Back in their secret lair, Jiraiya and Kyuubi were busy posting recruitment posters throughout Konoha. They had agreed that in order to expand their territory and influence, it was imperative that they recruit new members.

"**So, Jiraiya-kun, how many people do you believe will apply to join our club?"**

Jiraiya grinned.

"More than you'd think, Kyuubi-sensei. Konoha is full of perverts. We just need to band together."

Lee broke off his meditation and looked on in concern at his beloved Gai-sensei, as the older man's face suddenly contorted in pain.

"Gai-sensei, what's the matter?"

"Lee, I just sensed a shift in the atmosphere. It was as if the very flame of youth was being sucked out of the air."

"YOSH! THEN I WILL TRAIN TWICE AS HARD TO RESTORE KONOHA'S FLAMES OF YOUTH!"

"THAT'S THE ATTITUDE, LEE! However, I feel as though we must work to spread our youthfulness to our fellow peers!"

"YOSH, THEN STARTING TOMORROW WE WILL RECRUIT NEW GREEN BEASTS!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

555555555555555555555555555555

**Well that's chapter 5 folks, hope you liked it**

**In:**

**Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki, Yukie, Haruna, Anko, Kurenai, Yugao, Hana, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, Tenten, Shizune, Yugito, FemHaku, Karin, Kyuubi's younger sister, Tsunade, Tora**

**Pick 3 at most**

**Yakumo**

**Fem Zetsu**

**Sasame**

**Ayame**

**Tsunami**

**Rin**

**Isaribi**

**Hanabi**

**Team Hentai**

**Shino(2)**

**Kudamaru(1)**

**Kakashi(7)(-1)**

**Kiba(4)(-1)**

**Neji(2)**

**Hidan(1)**

**Kankuro(1)**

**Gaara(3)**

**Zabuza(1)**

**Fun stuff- voting**

**1) Harem selections are winding down. I reset the counts, and now only three are left**

**2) Who should be a part of Team Hentai?**

**3) NEW: Who should be a part of the Green Beasts? (A/N: Imagine Gaara)**

**4) NEW: Which girl(s) gets to play a major role in the harem next?**

**Choose 1 among:**

**Shion**

**Anko/Kurenai/Yugao**

**Temari**

**Tenten**

**Haruna/Yukie/Toki**


	6. Collisions

**Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! Keep it up!**

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 6: Collisions

It was a normal evening at the hot springs, and the women were inside bathing as usual. Meanwhile, Jiraiya and Kyuubi were peeping on the bathing women while giggling perversely.

"**Jiraiya-kun, your peeping jutsu is the greatest technique ever created, surpassing my strongest techniques. You truly are my beloved pupil."**

The duo continued to observe the buxom women in the hot springs, ignorant of the impending doom.

"Gai-sensei, these two men over there are being unyouthful. We must confront them to restore their flames of youth!"

"That's right, my dear Lee. However, we must be careful; I fear that these most unyouthful fellows are powerful opponents."

With that, the Green Beasts of Konoha slowly approached Team Hentai in what would be the first in a series of epic battles.

"Hold it right there! My springtime of youth compels me to stop your unyouthful behavior."

"**Ehh? You say something?"**

"CHA! IT APPEARS THAT I HAVE FOUND A NEW RIVAL! MYSTERIOUS STRANGER! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A CONTEST OF YOUTH!"

"**Jiraiya-kun, why the hell are these two here?"**

"Shit, sensei, we have to run away before we get caught up in the-"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!

"**WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I, THE MASTER OF ILLUSIONS, CAUGHT IN AN UNBREAKABLE GENJUTSU? IMPOSSIBLE!"**

"Sensei, stopping this jutsu is impossible, but if we hold strong to our powers of perversion, we will be able to overcome anything this terrible duo throws at us."

"**That's right, my dear student! In big breasts we trust!"**

"Sensei!"

"Jiraiya-kun"

"Sensei!"

"Jiraiya-kun"

"Sensei!"

"Jiraiya-kun"

"Sensei!"

"Jiraiya-kun"

"Sensei!"

"Jiraiya-kun"

Lee and Gai watched, horrified, as the pervert duo met in a true man hug, with a giant Icha Icha poster in the background. For the first time in Konoha history, the Green Beast genjutsu was broken.

Over at the Akatsuki base, Leader-sama was proudly surveying the results of his latest plot to defeat Uzumaki Naruto. All of his subordinates were now women, ready to attack the brat once he let down his guard.

"My, Itachi, you look beautiful as always."

The Sharingan wielder scowled at his partner. The stupid shark-face was always making fun of his masculinity, and this was not helping at all. So what if he painted his nails black to match his (non-Sharingan) eyes? So what if he liked spending extra time in the mirror, making sure each lock of hair was perfectly situated. He was a man, damn it! He was the one who killed off his entire clan, singlehandedly! He was Uchiha Fucking Itachi!

So what if he looked good as a girl?

'_Hold on a second…'_

"Kisame, why the hell do you have fins instead of feet?"

Deidara giggled, "Man, Kisame, you are one ugly mermaid"

"HEY! Shut up you little hussy!"

"What did you call me?"

"You heard me you little bitch!"

A cat fight broke out, and Leader was left wondering if this was a good decision after all. He blinked. Of course it was a fabulous idea. He had thought of it and had carefully planned out all of the details. Nothing could go wrong.

Back in Konoha, while Jiraiya, Kyuubi, Lee and Gai were locked in fierce battle, another fight was brewing between two volatile women.

Tora struck first, her open palm making contact with Tayuya's cheek.

"Ha! Take that, cunt-sucker."

Tayuya growled before launching forward with a vicious kick that caught Tora in the chin.

"Bring it, bitch."

The two kunoichi engaged each other in fierce battle in the middle of the streets while onlookers looked on, entranced at the deadly dance. Naruto sidled over to Karin.

"So… you're Karin, right?"

'_Shit, he knows who we are. This is bad. I have to let Tayuya-chan know.'_

"So, I guess Oro-chan has managed to break free of my genjutsu, seeing how he sent two gorgeous kunoichi to assassinate me."

Karin flushed red at the compliment, but recovered her composure upon remembering her mission. She was about to engage the blond in battle when he disappeared in a flash and reappeared in a flash. His next words came in a whisper, but sent shivers down her spine.

"I may let you live, depending on your answer to my next question. If I were to remove your curse seal, would you still follow Oro-chan?"

Karin rapidly shook her head. The damn seal was the only control Orochimaru held over her. If Naruto possessed a means of removing the seal, then she would give anything to have it removed.

"Very well. Do you want me to take it off?"

"Yes, Naruto-sama! Take it off, please! JUST TAKE IT OFF! I'M BEGGING YOU!"

"Erm…"

Karin looked around at the shocked villagers around them. Some of the men were holding their noses while many of the mothers were covering their children's' ears while shooting death glares at Karin. She quickly flushed red out of embarrassment.

"Okay, hold still, Karin-chan. This might hurt for a second…"

"W-w-wait, what are you going to do?"

"Well, Oro-chan gave you that seal by biting your neck, right? To undo it, I need to do the same. That way I can inject my chakra into you to purify that seal."

Karin nodded in acceptance. With that, Naruto plunged his fangs into Karin's shoulder and began to inject his chakra. Immediately, Karin began to howl.

'_It shouldn't hurt that badly… Wait a second, that's not pain. Is she being turned on by this? Holy shit, she's a masochist AND a screamer.'_

Finally, the unsealing was over, and Karin stumbled, panting and sweating. Tayuya looked up from her fight.

"Oi, Karin! What the fuck are you doing with our target? And why the hell are you grinning like a fucktard?"

Karin bared her shoulder, revealing the absence of the curse mark. Tayuya's eyes widened.

"Karin… your mark… it's gone. H-h-h-how did you do that?"

Karin smiled.

"Naruto-sama removed it for me, and now I am eternally indebted to Naruto-sama."

She clung to Naruto's arm and stuck out her tongue at Tora, who looked ready to kill. Momentarily forgotten, Tayuya was able to sidle up to Naruto's side.

"Hey, Fuckface, can you take this piece of shit off my shoulder or can you not?"

Naruto blinked.

"Err, is that how you ask for favors? You do realize that I could just walk away, and you'd be no better off than before. If you asked politely, I'd consider it."

Tayuya scowled. Nobody had ever calmly faced her after she swore at them. Some would spit in her face, some would run away, while others would match her language and engage her in verbal warfare.

She glared at the blond, who simply stared back, smiling.

"Tch, can you remove this seal?"

Naruto smirked, "What's the magic word?"

"Why you…. Fine. Please?"

"Gladly, Tayuya-chan."

With that, Naruto bit into Tayuya's curse mark and started working to remove the seal. Unbelievable pain coursed through Tayuya's body, but she endured in hopes of being free from the seal. Besides, if he failed, she'd probably die and pass into the afterlife. Then she would to wait for Naruto to kick the bucket so she would be able to kick his ass.

Suddenly, the pain disappeared, replaced by an overwhelming sensation of peace.

Tayuya lightly fingered her shoulder where the curse mark had been.

"You really did it… it's gone… thank you, Naruto."

She gave Naruto a warm hug, which the blond awkwardly returned, but Tora's flying kick to Tayuya's face ruined the fuzzy moment.

"What the fuck are you doing to my Naruto-kun?"

'_My Naruto-kun?'_ thought all four, but they all brushed that thought aside.

"I was thanking Naruto-kun for getting rid of my curse mark. If he proves to be as good as he looks, I might thank him more personally later. Why don't you do us all a favor and crawl into a fucking hole and die, you worthless cocksucker?"

While Tora and Tayuya fought once more, Karin latched onto Naruto's arm.

"So what's going to happen to Tayuya-chan and I, Naruto-sama?"

Naruto scratched his head in thought.

"Well, I could probably get Tsunade-baachan to instate you two as Konoha shinobi. You two can also stay at my place until you can find a place of your own."

"Naruto-sama is so kind!"

"Erm, I've been meaning to ask… what's up with the 'sama'?"

"It is because you are my new master. Naruto-sama, I am yours to command. I will do whatever you wish of me."

Meanwhile, Tayuya and Tora were still engaging in a fierce verbal fight, ignorant of the gawking bystanders. Finally, a female voice and a blast of killer intent froze everyone in place.

"ALL OF YOU NEED TO SHUT THE HELL UP!"

White-faced, Naruto turned to face a fuming Ino.

"Uhh, hi Ino, what's up?"

"Naruto, who are these women?"

"Well, the one over there is Tora. You know, the cat we used to chase as genin. Those two are Karin and Tayuya, formerly of the Sound. I removed their curse seals for them and now they want to join Konoha."

Ino's fierce demeanor slipped for a moment, "Huh?"

Tayuya, Tora and Karin took advantage of the moment and clung to various parts of Naruto's body. Ino's eyes turned red.

"GET THE FUCK OFF MY BOYFRIEND, BITCHES."

The three quickly complied, scampering away from Naruto with looks of utter terror on their faces.

"Now, I don't mind if you hang around my Naru-kun, especially because he's going to have a harem eventually. However, if you cause Naru-kun any trouble, I WILL make you suffer. GOT IT?"

The three kunoichi fearfully nodded.

In the distance, Sasuke watched the proceedings with an eager eye.

'_Where did Yamanaka get such power? Is the dobe the key to becoming so powerful?'_

With a smirk, Sasuke rushed off, busy concocting plans to seduce his former teammate.

The last time Naruto entered Tsunade's office, he had come with news that Tora was actually a human under a botched henge.

Thus, when Naruto came in with Tora and two high-ranking shinobi from the Sound wrapped around his body, Tsunade didn't even blink.

"Let me guess. Tora and Tayuya here got into a fight, and while that went on, Naruto removed the curse seal from Karin. Tayuya noticed and got Naruto to remove her curse seal. Then you three started to fight until Ino came and broke you apart. You two now want to become Konoha shinobi, which is why you are here right now."

'_She's good.'_

"Oi! Baachan, you better not be spying on me with that crystal ball again. I caught Jiji peeking at the women in the hot springs a bunch of times."

Tsunade started to make a mental note to peek on Naruto when he bathed, but then checked herself. What the hell was she thinking? Naruto was like a son to her, right? Besides, why would he want someone as old as her when there were plenty of women closer to his own age after him? Tsunade fought off a sudden feeling of sadness and loneliness.

"I've decided. Naruto, I trust your judgment regarding Tayuya and Karin. However, we still need to go through the usual procedure and run them through the interrogation department to make sure they aren't spies."

"But baachan-"

"Don't worry, Naruto-kun. Those motherfuckers can't do anything to us."

"Naruto-sama, I am willing to spend years of interrogation for the privilege of spending an hour with you."

"Uhh…"

A pair of ANBU members appeared in the office and escorted the ex-Sound duo out of the office, leaving Tora, Ino, and Naruto with Tsunade in the office.

"Well, Tora. Do you have a place to stay? There are a few apartments out there, but for tonight, you'll need a place to stay."

Tora jerked a thumb towards Naruto.

"Dumbass here said he'd give me a room in his house."

"I did?"

"Hmph!"

"Fine, I'll show you the way when leave."

Tora cheered on the inside while maintaining her scowl on the inside.

"Okay, brats, get out of here, I've got work to do.

"Getting old, baachan? Why don't you just give that hat to me and let me take your job?"

"Tch, you're still a hundred years too young for this job."

"Hehe, that makes you how old, baachan?"

Tsunade threw her desk at Naruto, who merely grabbed Ino and Tora by the waist and disappeared in a white flash.

The trio appeared in front of the Namikaze compound, and Naruto stepped forward, sweeping his arm in a grandiose fashion.

"Well, here we are. Hope you like it."

"Hmph… at least it looks clean."

Tora walked into the house and inspected the interior. While the former feline was prowling about, Naruto took Ino to the side.

"Ino-chan, we haven't had much time alone together. How about we go out on a date later tonight? I can pick you up at your house at six."

Ino nodded before grinning mischievously.

"Okay, I'm going to leave to prepare for our date, but you better make sure it's a good one. Oh, and about Tora, I don't really mind what you do with her, but remember, I get to be your first."

With a wink, Ino ran off to her house to prepare for the date.

Back at the Akatsuki base, Leader was fuming. His grand plan seemed to be falling to pieces. No matter what he tried, the now female members simply refused to listen to his orders. Just as he was about to say "fuck it all" and apply the seal himself, a voice stopped everyone in their tracks.

"Fighting, are we?"

Everybody turned to the source to see an pale, attractive figure step out from the shadows.

"**YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"**

Zetsu pointed at the newcomer, pure-black face contorted in rage.

"Ahh, it's my grumpy alter ego. Thanks to that seal, I was able to finally break free. Too bad for you, huh?"

In a flash, a bright light engulfed Zetsu. When the light died down, a pile of smoldering ashes was all that remained. An awkward silence ensued as the remaining members warily regarded this mysterious stranger.

"I am the female half of Zetsu. However, do not treat me lightly, or I will destroy you. Understand?"

The Akatsuki members gulped and nodded. Maybe they should start following Leader-sama's orders before things got too out of hand.

Ino was lost in her own fairytale date with the prince of her dreams. When he showed up at her doorstep, he looked good enough to eat right there and then, even with her father sending half-hearted death glares at Naruto.

He had taken her to the most expensive restaurant in Konoha, where they enjoyed a romantic candlelit dinner. Afterwards, they went on a walk through the Konoha Park, idly chatting. Ino noticed the jealous looks thrown her way at having The Naruto as her date, and she reveled in the attention.

The wind picked up and she started to shiver. Before she could say anything, she felt Naruto's jacket being draped around her shoulders, accompanied by his warm, strong arms. The couple continued like this, eventually settling on a bench.

Finally, Ino decided to pounce and leaned over to whisper in Naruto's ear.

"Naru-kun, I believe that I told you that I wanted to be your first."

Naruto gulped.

"Your place or mine?"

"Mine"

With a flash, Naruto and Ino disappeared, leaving an empty park bench in their wake.

With a shimmer, a genjutsu was dropped, and three kunoichi phased into existence.

"Man, I can't take this anymore, Anko-chan. If I can't get my hands on that hot piece of meat soon, I'm going have to go on a killing spree or something."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Each time I look at him, I just want to-"

"Yugao-chan, Anko-chan, please… We can't treat Naruto-kun like that…"

"Nai-chan, you want him more than we do, so don't bother trying to hide it."

Anko hung an arm around Kurenai's shoulder, finger gently tracing Kurenai ample bosom.

"So anyways, here's what we're going to do…"

66666666666666666666

**So there you have it: in a landslide vote, Anko, Kurenai and Yugao will make their push to enter the harem. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Remember to read and review.**

**In:**

**Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki, Yukie, Haruna, Anko, Kurenai, Yugao, Hana, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, Tenten, Shizune, Yugito, FemHaku, Karin, Kyuubi's younger sister, Tsunade, Tora**

**NOTE: Several people have asked why Nibi hasn't been mentioned. Sorry Naru/Nibi lovers out there (are there even any?). I have plans for Nibi that I think will work well**

**POLLS:**

**Only three spots available in the harem- pick (max 3) the girls you want in the harem**

**Yakumo(2)**

**Fem Zetsu(2)**

**Sasame(6)**

**Ayame(15)**

**Tsunami(11)**

**Rin(7)**

**Isaribi(3)**

**Hanabi(9)**

**Who should be in Team Hentai? (A/N: Kakashi and Sasuke are out)**

**Shino(10)**

**Kudamaru(1)**

**Kiba(11)(-1)**

**Neji(10)**

**Hidan(2)**

**Kankuro(4)**

**Gaara(11)**

**Zabuza(3)**

**Konohamaru(1)**

**Who should be a part of the Green Beasts? (A/N: Kakashi and Sasuke are out)**

**Hiashi(1)**

**Chouji(1)**

**Danzo(1)**

**Gaara(1)**

**Konohamaru(1)**

**Hidan(1)**

**Killer Bee(1)**

**Sai(1)**

**Zabuza(1)**

**Which girl(s) gets to join the harem next?**

**Yukie/Haruna/Toki(3)**

**Temari(1)**

**Tenten(3)**

**Shion(3)**


	7. Confrontations

**Thanks to everybody who reviewed! Your reviews make writing fun for me.**

**Now, to answer some points that have been brought up…**

**RyuVision: I originally wanted Kin to play the part Karin is playing right now and have Karin come later, but Kin only got one or two votes, but if there is a huge demand for her, I can squeeze her in.**

**Kidloco: I'm sorry, but Sakura will not be part of the harem. She's had more than a second opportunity in my book, but if enough people bug me about it, she WILL be paired with either Akamaru or Pakkun.**

**And now time to nip this issue in the bud… Hinata**

**Let me preface this by saying that I love Hinata. I think that Kishimoto should hook her and Naruto up in the end. That being said, I don't want to reduce Hinata by putting her in a harem. I will (crosses fingers) write a Naru/Hina epic eventually, but it will be solely Naruhina. If I keep getting requests to put Hinata in the harem, I will kill her off, so don't make me do something I'll regret…**

**Naruto: HEY! You can't do that to Hinata-chan!**

**Hinata: N-n-n-naruto-kun…**

**Hadouken5: Shut up, blondie! I'll do whatever the hell I want!**

**Naruto: …**

**Hinata: …**

**Hadouken5: Hey, I have an idea! How about Hinata-chan comes with me, and we'll have some hot steamy sex while you go and do your stuff in chapter 7!**

**Naruto: EHH!**

**Hinata: YES! LET'S GO RIGHT NOW!**

**drags hadouken5 to her room and locks the door**

**Naruto: Anyways, here's chapter 7**

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Chapter 7: Confrontations

Inoichi sat up in his bed in a cold sweat. There was an unpleasant sensation coursing through his body, and the Yamanaka patriarch did not like that feeling one bit. His wife blinked groggily.

"What's the matter, Inoichi?"

"I have a bad feeling. Something bad has happened to my little princess."

"Huh? Inoichi, it's four in the morning. Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"No, it can't. I think something bad is happening to my princess."

Inoichi tried to shake off the uneasy feeling, but the sensation persisted, so he got out of bed and walked over to Ino's room, dreading what he was about to find. He slowly opened the door and took a peek inside.

The room was empty.

With a roar of outrage, Inoichi rushed into the street looking for Ino. It was then that two earsplitting cries echoed throughout Konoha.

"OHHHHHH GOD! NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"INO-HIMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Inoichi paled and fainted.

The next day, when Ino and Naruto rolled into Tsunade's office with the largest shit-eating grins ever, Tsunade was immediately on alert.

"So what happened?"

"**Sniff… sniff… my young kit and his vixen have finally given into their perverted side."**

"What does that mean?"

Tora snorted.

"So you didn't hear these two lovebirds last night?"

Tsunade's eyes widened.

"That was you two screaming last night?"

Naruto turned red in embarrassment while Ino shivered in delight at the memory. However, before anyone could say anything else, the door burst open, and a haggard Inoichi stumbled into the office.

Inoichi swept his eyes over the room, his eyes finally settling on Naruto.

"YOU!"

Somewhere in the back of Inoichi's mind, his logical side was frantically trying to remind Inoichi that he was confronting possibly the strongest shinobi ever, but the overwhelming urge to protect his precious princess overrode any possible logical thought processes.

"Uhh… hi there, Yamanaka-san. Pretty nice weather, today, huh?"

Inoichi sputtered before rushing forward with a kunai in hand, killing intent leaking out in abundance. Naruto was paralyzed by the fierceness of the enraged father, and would have been skewered if Ino hadn't stepped in Inoichi's path, flaring her own killing intent.

"Daddy! What the hell do you think you're doing to my Naru-kun?"

Inoichi sputtered.

"But princess, he stole your innocence! As your father, I can't let him continue to do this to you."

A tick mark grew over Ino's forehead.

"You stupid jerk! I gave myself to Naru-kun, and it was the best seven hours of my life!"

The reactions of those in the audience varied greatly. Tsunade blushed bright red while Tora wiped some drool from her chin. Shizune was whispering "seven hours", and Jiraiya pulled out a notebook and started writing while Kyuubi peeked over his shoulder, whispering ideas. Inoichi fainted once more, frothing at the mouth.

When Inoichi regained consciousness, he immediately tried to throttle Naruto, but was repelled by Ino's kick to the face.

"Daddy, if you can't control yourself, then get out before I tell Mom!"

Inoichi left Tsunade's office, sulking and throwing death glares at Naruto. After a moment of silence, Tsunade spoke up, avoiding eye contact with Naruto.

"I don't have any missions for you, so just stay out of trouble or something."

"Got it, baachan."

Tsunade threw a pen at Naruto, but when the pen made contact with the blond's forehead, he exploded into smoke and disappeared.

"NARUTOOOOOOOO!"

At the entrance to the Akatsuki base, Zetsu stood in front of the other feminized Akatsuki members. It was just about time for them to head out to invade Konoha.

"By the way, Zetsu, I was wondering. What happened to that weird plant thing on your head? Without it, you look normal, kind of cute."

Zetsu fought off the light blush.

"Shut up Deidara. The plant was a part of the other me. Fortunately, I've gotten rid of that ugly head ornament."

"So you won't be eating us while we sleep? That's relief."

Zetsu threw a kunai at Kisame, who blocked it with Samehada. Leader watched this all and put his head in his hands.

"Why is it so hard to run an evil organization dedicated to world domination?"

Tired of the bickering, Itachi pulled out a stick of Pocky and started to munch.

In Kumogakure, the Raikage held a scroll in his trembling hands. Konoha had gained a power too great to oppose in the form of Namikaze Naruto. The former jinchuuriki apparently had absorbed the power of the Kyuubi and was strong enough to turn back the combined forces of Orochimaru and Akatsuki.

That sort of strength made it imperative to reconcile with and reestablish good relations with Konoha, or eliminate this new potential threat. If the fiery Hokage ever felt like going to war to relieve some stress, Kumo would be one of the first villages on the strike list.

So now, the Raikage was busy trying to figure out the best course of action to take. Should he attempt to assassinate Namikaze and shift the balance of power once more, or should he swallow his pride and request a treaty?

The answer was clear. He snapped his fingers and a busty blond instantly appeared at his side.

"What is it, Raikage-sama?"

"Ahh, Yugito-chan, I have a mission for you, effective immediately."

Yugito looked over the scroll handed to her once before turning and heading out the door.

"Understood, Raikage-sama."

Once the Nibi Jinchuuriki left the office, the Raikage clapped his hands twice, and a large man wielding eight swords walked into the office.

"Yo Raikage-sama, how ya doin? Ya wanna listen to da rap dat I be spewin?"

"Killer bee, shut up. I want you to follow Nii Yugito and make sure she completes her mission."

"My rap will lead me to succeed. And I'll do this without smoking-"

"SHUT UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

Meanwhile, Naruto and Ino were walking through Konoha arm in arm, ignorant of the glares being thrown their way. At least Naruto wasn't aware of them. Ino on the other hand seemed to secretly revel in the jealousy that radiated from the streets.

"Ino, what's up? Why do you look so happy?"

"No reason. Hey Naruto, I have to go work in the flower shop today. Want to come and help?"

Naruto was about to agree, when he remembered a very important detail. Yamanaka Inoichi was the owner of the Yamanaka Flower Shop. Yamanaka Inoichi was after his blood. Going to the shop would be a very bad idea.

"Uhh, sorry Ino-chan. I don't think it'd be safe for me to go over to your house any time soon. Your dad might try to kill me."

Back at the Yamanaka household, Inoichi sneezed before tossing a kunai at a training dummy with Naruto's face painted on it.

Ino pouted, but gave into Naruto's desperate pleas. With a long, lustful kiss, Ino bid the blond farewell and ran off to the flower shop.

Before any of the lusty fangirls could jump the blond, Naruto disappeared from the street in a brilliant white flash.

He reappeared by the hot springs in search for his mentors. It was time to get some training done. To bad his Ero-sensei had other things in mind.

"ERO-SENSEI, ERO-SANNIN! QUIT PEEKING ON THE WOMEN ALREDY!"

After the mass violence during which the great Kyuubi and the legendary Jiraiya were ripped to shreds by an indignant female populace, Naruto faced the dastardly duo.

"Jeez, you two… why do you always have to cause so much trouble?"

Kyuubi's ears twitched.

"**Did you just say trouble?"**

The pair leapt into the air, miraculously healed from their estrogen-induced injuries, landing on the bridge while standing back to back.

"**PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"**

"MAKE IT DOUBLE!"

"**TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM FUGLY GREEN SPANDEX!"**

"TO UNITE ALL PERVERTS WITHIN OUR NATION!"

"**TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF TENTACLE RAPE AND YAOI!"**

"TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE BREASTS ABOVE!"

"**KYUU!"**

"JIRAIYA!"

"**TEAM HENTAI, JACKS OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT"**

"READ PORN NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!"

"KIBAAAAAA! THAT'S RIGHT!"

"ARF ARF"

Naruto sweat dropped. There were too many things wrong with what had just happened.

"Kiba! What the hell are you doing with those two stupid perverts?"

"Brat, Kiba here is my new apprentice! He has shown great potential for perversion, so Kyuubi-sensei decided to let him join our group."

"Erm… so Kiba knows all about Ero-sensei, then?"

Kiba nodded.

"Even the reason behind the attack on Konoha?"

Kiba nodded.

"And he's fine with that?"

Kiba nodded once more.

Naruto sighed. Konoha was getting stupider and stupider in this time of peace. Maybe they needed another invasion force to attack them, just for the hell of it. A mass murderer would be exciting as well.

On the road to Konoha, Itachi sneezed, spraying bits of chewed up Pocky into Zetsu's hair. Zetsu turned her head and snarled.

Back at the hot springs, Kyuubi and Jiraiya were trying to convince Naruto to join their team, but Naruto wasn't listening. Enticing offers of spying on beautiful women were spurned when Naruto pointed out that he already had a girlfriend. Kiba and Akamaru did their part in trying to convince the blond to join their cause.

Finally, enough was enough for Naruto. Gathering chakra, he executed his famous pervert-killing attack.

**Orioke no Jutsu!**

In a puff of smoke, Naruto transformed into his buxom counterpart and seductively winked at Team Hentai. The resulting nosebleed rocketing from their noses propelled them into the sky.

"IT LOOKS LIKE TEAM HENTAI'S BLASTING OFF AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

Naruto smirked and turned to walk away, but came face to face with three extremely beautiful kunoichi. One of them reminded him of the creepy examiner from a long time ago.

"GAHHH!"

Before he could run away or use Hirashin, Anko shot snakes from her sleeves, which wrapped all around him, restricting his movements.

"Oh, Naru-chan, you weren't thinking of running away were you?"

"Uhh… of course not, Anko-chan."

"That's good to hear."

"Ehh? Kurenai-sensei? What are you doing here?"

"We're here to make you ours, Naru-kun."

"Umm, who are you?"

The purple-haired kunoichi smiled.

"My name is Uzuki Yugao. Hopefully we'll get to know each other."

Anko leaned forward and whispered into Naruto's ear, her hot breath sending shivers down Naruto's spine.

"We want to get to know you much better, Naru-chan."

Naruto gulped and allowed the trio to take him away.

When the four left, Sasuke stepped out of the shadows, Sharingan fully activated

"Dobe, I have copied your greatest technique. You will be powerless when I turn it against you."

'_And then I'll finally have my way with you… kukuku.'_

77777777777777777777777777

**That's Chapter 7, hot off the press. Before we get to voting and all that fun stuff, it's time to introduce a new segment to this series.**

**OMAKE TIME!**

Naruto turned red in embarrassment while Ino shivered in delight at the memory. However, before anyone could say anything else, the door burst open, and a haggard Inoichi stumbled into the office.

Inoichi swept his eyes over the room, his eyes finally settling on Naruto.

"YOU!"

Out from nowhere, Shino shushined into the office with behind a turntable. Naruto summoned a microphone from a scroll.

**Soulja boy tell em**

Ayy i got this new dance fo yall called tha soulja Boy  
  
Inoichi shouted, "YUAAAAAAAA!"****

U gotta punch den crank back three times from left 2 right

Inoichi let out a feral scream, "AHHHHHHHH YUUUUUUUAAAAAAA!".

**  
Soulja boy up in dis hoe  
Watch me crank it  
Watch me roll  
Watch me crank dat soulja boy  
Den superman dat hoe**

Ino walked up to Naruto and began to grind against him. Inoichi saw this and fainted.

**  
Now watch me youuuuuuu  
**Jiraiya: crank dat soulja boy**  
Now watch me youuuuuuu  
**Kyuubi:** crank dat soulja boy  
Now watch me youuuuuuu**  
Jiraiya: crank dat soulja boy**  
Now watch me youuuuuuu  
Kyuubi: crank dat soulja boy**

Tsunade looked on, dazed and confused.****

Soulja boy up in dis hoe  
Watch me crank it  
Watch me roll  
Watch me crank dat soulja boy  
Den super man dat hoe

Tora cut in, sandwiching Naruto in between Ino and her.

**  
Now watch me youuuuuuu  
**Jiraiya: crank dat soulja boy**  
Now watch me youuuuuuu  
**Kyuubi:** crank dat soulja boy  
Now watch me youuuuuuu**  
Jiraiya: crank dat soulja boy**  
Now watch me youuuuuuu  
Kyuubi: crank dat soulja boy**

Soulja boy up in dis hoe  
Watch me lean and watch me rock  
Super man dat hoe  
Then watch me crank dat robocop  
Super fresh, now watch me jock  
Joccin' on dos haterz man  
When i do dat soulja boy  
I lean to the left and crank dat thang  
(now youuuuuuu)  
I'm joccin' on yo bitch ass  
And if we get to fightin  
Den im coccin' on yo bitch ass  
You catch me at yo local party  
Yes i crank it everyday  
Haterz get mad cuz  
I got me some bathin apes

**-From Crank dat by Souja Boy**

Naruto stopped for a moment.

"What the hell does all that mean?"

Ino shrugged.

"Who knows?"

**Well, that's my first ever omake, more and better ones to come later. Let me know if you either want to play a role in an omake, or if there is something you want to see parodied/made fun of/honored in an omake.**

**77777777777777777**

**Anyways, enough of that madness. Onto the polls!**

**In:**

**Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki, Yukie, Haruna, Anko, Kurenai, Yugao, Hana, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, Tenten, Shizune, Yugito, FemHaku, Karin, Kyuubi's younger sister, Tsunade, Tora, Ayame**

**POLL: Only two spots left- congratulations to Ayame. It looks like once Naruto is done eating his ramen he'll be eating… you…**

**Yakumo(5)**

**Fem Zetsu(5)**

**Sasame(12)**

**Tsunami(20)**

**Rin(10)**

**Isaribi(8)**

**Hanabi(16)**

**77777777777777777**

**Poll: Who should be in Team Hentai? (A/N: Kakashi and Sasuke are out, congrats to Kiba and Akamaru for making it in)**

**Team Hentai (In: Kiba)**

**Hiashi(1)**

**Shino(16)**

**Kudamaru(1)**

**Neji(14)**

**Hidan(3)**

**Kankuro(7)**

**Gaara(16)**

**Zabuza(4)**

**Konohamaru(4)**

**Killer Bee(1)**

**Shikamaru(1)**

**77777777777777777**

**POLL: Who should be a part of the Green Beasts(A/N: Sasuke is out, I'm opening up Kakashi for consideration)**

**Green Beasts**

**Hiashi(6)**

**Chouji(5)**

**Danzo(4)**

**Gaara(1)**

**Konohamaru(2)**

**Hidan(2)**

**Killer Bee(7)**

**Kakashi(1)**

**Zabuza(3)**

**Sai(8)**

**Tazuna(1)**

**Kyuubi's father(1)**

**7777777777777777**

**POLL: Which girl (3 in the case of the princesses) gets to join the harem next?**

**Next Up**

**Yukie/Haruna/Toki(7)**

**Temari(6)**

**Tenten(9)**

**Shion(6)**


	8. Seduction

**A/N Sorry for the delay… anyways, a few words**

**Lemons: I don't plan on having actual full-blown lemons, but hopefully my descriptions before and after will give you a good idea of what happened. I read FF with lemons, and some people write them better than others. I don't really want my writing to be judged by the quality of the citrus that I produce. I find humor in perversion, but writing actual sex scenes just aren't that funny. I often find myself skipping over lemons in good FF out of boredom. If there's a huge demand, then I might think about it. Remember, a fic shouldn't be judged on its lemons/lack of lemons. I hope I can keep all your interests without having to write too much citrus.**

**Sakura? To be honest, I hate the banshee. If you think I'm being cruel to her, know this: I'm holding back on her. In this fic, she's what caused Naruto to run away in the first place, so it'll take a bunch for her to get back in Naruto's good books.**

**I don't have plans for Hinata yet, but I don't think she's going to die off.**

**Hinata stumbles out of her room: Hadouken5? Did you call me?**

**Hadouken5: Hey, Hinata-chan, you're looking mighty sexy today…**

**Hinata: Hmm? Is that so…**

**drags Hadouken5 back into her room for more wild, kinky, Hyuuga-style sex **

Disclaimer: I might own Hinata-chan, but I don't own Naruto

Chapter 8: Seduction

No straight man in Konoha, not even Gai or Lee could ever honestly admit to never having harbored impure fantasies involving any of the kunoichi trio- Mitarashi Anko, Yuuhi Kurenai and Uzuki Yugao. They were the former crushes of the older generation, and the idols of the younger generation. Therefore, when the men of Konoha saw all three walking through town with Naruto in their arms, they all fell down on their hands and knees, praising the blond for achieving the impossible. They were all envious of the blond, but who would be able to compete with the son of the Yondaime and the strongest shinobi in all of Konoha?

Not even Ino could save Naruto from the clutches from the three seductresses when they crossed paths, although the small smirk that Ino wore on her face seemed to hint at a hidden happiness at the sudden turn of events.

"Hey, Naru-chan, let's check out this store!"

"Ehh? But that's a lingerie shop! I can't go there…"

"Oh, don't be so shy, Naru-chan, let's go in already. I can't wait to try out some new bras."

With that, the kunoichi dragged a sputtering Naruto into the lingerie shop. When they got inside, Naruto plopped himself into a chair while the trio busied themselves searching for the smallest possible underwear. He heard some giggling in the corner, and wasn't surprised to see Jiraiya, Kyuubi and Kiba hiding behind a rack of clothing.

"What are you perverts doing around here?"

"Ahh, my former apprentice, it seems that you have finally given in to your perversion. To think that I would live to see this day…"

"**Yes, and I didn't even need to do any mind-altering when I left your body."**

"What the hell? You could have done that?"

"**Kukuku… does that make you feel uncomfortable? I could have turned you into a homosexual emo-boy, and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Granted, I wouldn't show my face to the world anymore, but you get the idea."**

"…"

"Anyways Naruto, you here to peep on the bitches here? We're here to test out Jiraiya-sensei's new jutsu."

Naruto slapped his forehead with the palm of his head. Konoha was steadily slipping into idiocy during this time of peace.

'_Man, we need something crazy to happen… like an invasion… or a secret plot to keep us on our toes.'_

Several people nearby Konoha sneezed simultaneously and looked at one another. Killer Bee's sneeze alerted Yugito to his position. The Nibi container whirled around to face her fellow jinchuuriki.

"Killer Bee! Why the hell are you following me? Does the Raikage not believe that I can complete this mission?"

"Yo yo yo, Yugito!"

Yugito sighed. At least he didn't rhyme her name with 'ho' this time.

"You know what, I don't care anymore. Follow me or whatever, but I am going to get this job done."

"Rightyo, Yugito!"

Meanwhile, back at the lingerie shop, Naruto was still trying to get Team Hentai to leave the store, but to no avail. Kyuubi and Jiraiya were giggling at the see-through panties while Kiba and Akamaru were biting holes in the bras. Naruto was powerless against the combined forces of perversion and was about to give up when three curtains opened simultaneously. Out stepped Anko, Kurenai and Yugao looking like a trio of goddesses who had dropped down to the mortal realm.

Anko walked over to Naruto, barely covered breasts dangerously swaying back and forth, and put a finger under his chin.

"You like what you see, Naru-chan?"

Naruto dumbly nodded.

"If you're nice to us for the rest of our little date, we might show you something even better…"

Her voice trailed off, leaving no doubt as to what Anko, Yugao and Kurenai would be showing Naruto.

"Kurenai-sensei, I never knew you were so hot!"

"Yugao-chan, you've grown since I last saw you. Why don't you let Jiraiya-sama take some measurements…?"

"**So that's what they look like under the fishnet… very interesting…"**

Kurenai, Anko and Yugao ignored the perverts and continued to fawn over the embarrassed Naruto, much to the shock of Team Hentai.

"Naruto, what the hell! I heard about how you have to restore your clan, but to get these three hot women at once… and one of them is Kurenai-sensei…"

Kiba got down on his hands and knees and prostrated in front of the blond while Jiraiya and Kyuubi cried manly tears of joy.

"Kyuubi-sensei! It seems as if our dear apprentice has surpassed us all!"

"**Indeed Jiraiya-kun, to achieve the legendary foursome with the three beauties of Konoha at his age is truly incredible."**

"Kyuubi-sensei, we must recruit our dear Naruto-kun to our cause and have him teach us his secrets!"

The normally demure Kurenai lost all of her embarrassment and flared an amazing amount of killing intent, easily paralyzing Team Hentai.

"If you dare turn my Naru-kun into a pervert like you three, I will castrate you all with a pair of wooden chopsticks and then cast a genjutsu on Akamaru and have him eat them raw. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Behind Kurenai, the aura of righteous feminine fury swirled about dangerously. Team Hentai gulped in unison before running out of the shop at a speed that put the Hirashin to shame.

"TEAM HENTAI'S RUNNING OFF AGAIN!!"

Naruto sighed in exasperation before turning back to face Kurenai, Yugao and Anko. Kurenai had regained her previous shy demeanor and blushed a brilliant shade of red.

"Uhh… about that…"

Naruto chuckled, and Kurenai's blush deepened. Anko and Yugao merely grinned, seeing their friend's reactions to Naruto. They were going to have so much fun with this later.

Later, after the group left the shop, Naruto decided to ask the question that had been on his mind ever since the three kunoichi had dragged him off.

"Okay, it's time for you three to tell me the truth, why are you doing this? I know that there are lots of girls out there chasing me, but you girls don't seem the type to be blindly chasing around some guy just for the hell of it."

Anko was the first to speak up.

"You have really tasty blood!"

The other three sweat dropped, and Kurenai decided to intervene.

"Naruto-kun, when I first saw you at the academy, I didn't think much of you, to be honest. Then during the Chuunin Preliminary exams, when you fought Kiba, nobody except for Hinata gave you a chance. But you proved them wrong, and even though I was upset that my student lost, it made me smile that you were able to grow stronger. Then, when you fought Neji and won through sheer determination, I saw your face shine that day, and I've been watching you ever since."

Naruto nodded and turned to Yugao. Instead of speaking, Yugao pulled out her ANBU mask and handed it to Naruto, who looked at it with wonder on his face.

"Neko-chan?"

Yugao nodded, tears glistening in her eyes and gave him a hug.

"Yes, Naru-kun, it's me. I've always wanted to reveal myself to you when you were a child, but I couldn't as an ANBU. But now, I don't have to hide my identity anymore."

Naruto returned the hug, softly sobbing into Yugao's shoulder.

"I always tried asking oji-san about you, but he would never tell me who you really were. I thought I'd never be able to find the ANBU who had watched over me when I was younger."

Yugao pulled back, with visible shock on her face.

"You knew I was there?"

Naruto grinned and nodded in response. However, before anyone could say anything else, a white messenger bird flew overhead, catching the attention of the group. It was a summoning for all kunoichi, a rare occurrence.

"Well, it looks like we'll have to continue our fun some other time, Naruto."

Yugao planted a sweet kiss on his lips while Anko and Kurenai each took care of a cheek. As Naruto watched the kunoichi trio head back to the Hokage's office to answer the summons, he overheard Kurenai's furious whisper.

"Yu-chan! Why did YOU get to kiss him on the lips?"

Outside the village gates, Zetsu was just about ready to kill one of the other Akatsuki members. Their inability to handle the extra estrogen in their systems had resulted in several unplanned for delays on their path to Konoha. Itachi had bitch-slapped Deidara for stealing his nail polish, while Sasori suffered through PMS.

However, their success in infiltrating Konoha depended on their ability to not raise suspicion within the village, so Zetsu forced herself to calm down and put a smile on her face before heading into the gate.

Izumo and Kotetsu never really enjoyed their guard duties at the gates, so when a group of foreign women walked through the gates, the chuunin duo didn't really give a damn. If they were plotting the destruction of Konoha, Naruto would stop them in their tracks. Hell, he might convert one or two of the women into Konoha shinobi after he was done working his magic.

As the group of women ambled into the village to search for their target, Izumo and Kotetsu turned back to the two pamphlets that they had been poring over.

'_Green Beasts or Team Hentai, huh?'_

Meanwhile, Naruto was headed back to his clan compound, when a familiar figure stepped in his path, blocking the road. Naruto slapped a hand on his forehead and sighed in exasperation.

"What do you want now, teme?"

"Fight me."

"Huh?"

"You heard me, dobe. I challenge you to a fight, right here, right now."

"Sasuke… we're in the middle of the fucking road, we can't fight here."

"Hmph… that doesn't matter. With this move, I shall defeat you and restore pride to the Sharingan and the Uchiha clan."

Sasuke made a hand seal and started to gather chakra. Naruto's eyes widened in disbelief.

'_Where the hell did Sasuke-teme learn this jutsu?'_

**Orioke no Jutsu!**

With a poof of smoke, Sasuke transformed into a nude, black haired women with only wispy clouds covering her sensitive areas. Naruto slowly opened his eyes, ready to fight back the wave of perversion that the jutsu was supposed to evoke.

When he took his first look at Sasuke, he nearly choked in surprise.

"What the hell is that? You look so fucking ugly, teme!"

Sasuke scowled. He had copied the jutsu perfectly, and yet the dobe was standing there, laughing at him. This was an outrage to his Uchiha pride and honor.

"Shut up, dobe. A loser like you cannot even begin to comprehend the greatness of the Uchiha. Bow down to my supreme techniques!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU FUCKING GAY ASSWIPE!"

Tora flew through the air and kicked Sasuke in the face, shutting the bastard up and undoing the jutsu at the same time. She stalked over to the Uchiha heir and kicked him square in the balls before turning back to Naruto.

"Don't you ever let that ugly bitch try to seduce you ever again, you hear me?"

She grabbed his head and yanked it towards her before engaging the blond in a fierce lip lock. Naruto gasped in surprise, and Tora took the opportunity to slide her tongue into his mouth while wrapping her arms around his broad, muscular back.

As the two continued to dance the vertical tango, the female Akatsuki members were watching from behind a nearby bush.

Zetsu observed the pair with gleaming eyes.

'_Soon, Naruto… soon you will get what you deserve.'_

Over in Lee's dojo, Lee and Gai were interviewing their first applicant for the Konoha Green Beasts, Sai.

"YOSH! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF US, THE WONDERFUL GREEN BEASTS OF KONOHA?"

Sai smiled and thought back to earlier when he had called Sakura ugly. Apparently, noisy people liked it when you lied to them. That meant…

"Yes, I think that you two are the most handsome of all the men in Konoha."

Sai finished the declaration with a thumbs up and a vacant smile.

Lee and Gai shed silent tears while immediately inducting Sai into their fraternity.

8888888888888888888888888

**Well, that's chapter 8. I'm in the middle of hellish midterm exams, so I'm sorry if updates have been slow. Remember to read, review and vote!**

**No omake this chapter, since I'm already late in uploading this chapter…**

**In:**

**Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki, Yukie, Haruna, Anko, Kurenai, Yugao, Hana, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, Tenten, Shizune, Yugito, FemHaku, Karin, Kyuubi's younger sister, Tsunade, Tora, Ayame, Tsunami**

**ONLY ONE MORE SPOT(for the moment) OPEN!! CHOOSE ONE!**

**Note: I reset the counter once more, even though Hanabi held a lead over the rest.**

**Yakumo(0)**

**Fem Zetsu(0)**

**Sasame(0)**

**Rin(0)**

**Isaribi(0)**

**Hanabi(0)**

**Team Hentai**

**In: Kiba, Neji, Shino, Gaara**

**Hiashi(1)**

**Kudamaru(1)**

**Hidan(5)**

**Kankuro(9)**

**Zabuza(6)**

**Konohamaru(7) Inari will be on the opposite squad as Konohamaru**

**Shikamaru(1)**

**Green Beasts**

**In: Killer Bee, Sai**

**Hiashi(10)**

**Chouji(7)**

**Danzo(6)**

**Konohamaru(3) Inari will be on the opposite squad as Konohamaru**

**Hidan(2)**

**Kakashi(1)**

**Zabuza(4)**

**Tazuna(2)**

**Kyuubi's father(3)**

**Next Up**

**Yukie/Haruna/Toki(18)**

**Temari(10)**

**Tenten(13)**

**Shion(10)**

**Yugito(0)**

**Hana/Tsume(0)**

**Shizune(0)**


	9. Tension

**Hey, I'm back with Chapter 9! Sorry for the late update. Hopefully you guys haven't given up on me yet!**

Disclaimer: Hinata-chan may have my heart, but I will never own Naruto

Chapter 9: Tension

In Demon Country, a white-haired priestess lay in bed, violently squirming about and letting out small moans. Outside her room, her bodyguards rolled their eyes. It looked as if Shion-sama was having another one of those dreams again.

After letting out an ear-splitting scream tore through the afternoon atmosphere, Shion sat straight up in bed, sweat pouring from her delicate forehead. She looked down at her soaked bed and sighed. It looked as if her maid would have to change her sheets again. She looked out of her room with unfocused eyes.

'_These dreams must be telling me something about what the future holds.'_

She removed her sleepwear and stared at her shapely figure in the mirror before giggling and blushing.

'_Soon, Naruto-kun. Soon I'll have you keep your promise to me. After all, that's your nindo, right? I think it's about time I take a visit to Konoha.'_

Outside her room, her bodyguards felt a chill run up their spines. Their charge had an idea, and it would mean more work for them. A collective thought passed through the group.

'_How troublesome.'_

Back in Konoha, Shikamaru was lying about on the grass, staring at the clouds when he let out a tremendous sneeze. Unfortunately for the lazy genius, his favorite nap spot happened to be right next to a popular swimming pond—one that was currently occupied by several scantily-clad kunoichi. Alerted to his presence, the women proceeded to mercilessly beat him down.

After the indignant kunoichi stalked off, Shikamaru lay there, bloody and bruised, with one thought running through his mind:

'_Troublesome women.'_

When Tora first attacked Naruto and engaged him in a passionate make-out session, the former Jinchuuriki's brain shut down momentarily. He was brought back to reality as he felt Tora eagerly licking his lips, begging for entrance. As he mechanically opened his mouth, his mind worked furiously, trying to figure out what was happening.

'_What the hell is going on? She's always been violent and rude, albeit somewhat clingy.'_

He broke away from the brunette and stared into her eyes.

"Uhh, Tora? Are you feeling alright? Why are you doing this?"

Tora was silent for a moment, but before Naruto could repeat his question, she spoke up in a surprisingly quiet voice.

"Why do you think I'm doing this?"

Naruto was caught flatfooted at this demure Tora. Her fiery allure was replaced by a gentler, softer beauty that made Naruto's breath hitch in his throat.

'_Wow… she's gorgeous…'_

Tora blushed under Naruto's stare, but not from embarrassment. Balling her fist, she punched Naruto in the stomach before running away, shouting over her shoulder.

"Naruto , you fucking asshole! What the hell is your problem, shitface?"

Naruto fell to the ground, gasping for breath. As he tried to recover, he heard a sultry voice whisper in the air.

"Namikaze-sama, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Naruto turned to see a group of five women giggling and waving in his direction. While they were all attractive women, something about them seemed rather odd, as if something was slightly wrong with them.

'_There's something strange about these five, but I can't quite put my finger on it.'_

"Sensei! There is something strange about this situation here. There are five beautiful women here, but my pervert senses are barely tingling."

"**Indeed, my dear Jiraiya-kun. There is something strange about this situation, but I can't put my finger on it."**

"Yeah man, I can't quite get a lock on their scent. Akamaru says he's having trouble as well. Man, this sucks.

"**Don't worry about it too much, Kiba-kun. Your nose will prove necessary to the realization of our goals. However, perhaps this is an opportunity for our newest member to prove his worth."**

"Indeed, I shall show that fate has ordained that I will be the one to uncover this mystery. These women must know their place before the power of the Byakugan."

Jiraiya, Kyuubi and Kiba waited while Neji inspected the group of women with his Byakugan. After a moment, Neji turned to the eagerly waiting group and smirked.

"It appears that it is Naruto's fate to be surrounded by men disguised as women. We should retreat now before it is too late for us."

"But Neji, what about my dear former apprentice?"

"**Neji-kun is right, Jiraiya-kun. There is nothing we can do to help Naruto. The brat's survival all depends on if his perversion powers are strong enough to allow him to break through the disguise of these gay men."**

With that, Team Hentai headed off in the direction of the ANBU headquarters to peek on the female changing room.

Meanwhile, Naruto was still trying to determine the identity of the mysterious women.

'_Let's see… they're wearing black kimonos with red clouds… one of them has the Sharingan… wait a second, I thought Itachi went loco and killed all of the Uchiha… well, I have no idea who they are, so-'_

Naruto was jarred from his thoughts when a familiar voice piped up.

"Hey there, Uchiha babe… why don't you and I do the nasty to restore our clan right now?"

"Sasuke-teme! Where the hell did you come from?"

"Hn? I've been here all this time, dobe. Anyways, you're annoying me, so go away."

' _Oh, Naru-kun, I'm sorry that things cannot work between the two of us, but I have found someone else. You must learn to move on like I have. Wait a second… what the hell am I thinking?'_

Naruto ignored the uneasy feeling that settled in his spine as he watched the female Uchiha stare at Sasuke in shock and horror.

"Sasuke? What the hell is wrong with you? It doesn't really surprise me that you're gay, but you're an incest freak as well? I thought father and I taught you better than that."

"Huh?"

"Oh, fuck me sideways…"

Before Sasuke could comply with the request, there were four loud poofs, and the Akatsuki members were once again revealed in all of their glory. Sasuke stared at Itachi with a mix of horror and hatred.

"You! What did you do with that vision of Uchiha loveliness?"

"Uhh, Sasuke… that was me in a jutsu."

"You lie! Now tell me, what did you do with the Uchiha woman?"

"Are you stupid?"

Sasuke inwardly screamed in frustration. Why the hell was his stupid brother always getting in his way, first by being the 'better' one, then by killing their parents, and now by stealing away the love of his life? Sasuke was about to challenge Itachi to a fight when he remembered the other Akatsuki members with Itachi. They might be troublesome and try to interfere with the fight, not that it would bother Sasuke too much, but one of them might accidentally hurt Itachi, which would lessen the glory of his victory.

Thus, with a final smirk, Sasuke shushined back to the Uchiha compound.

Following the departure of Sasuke, the Akatsuki members looked at one another quizzically. The seal wasn't supposed to wear off so easily. Maybe something was wrong with the design. They'd have to ask Leader about that later. They looked over at the still female Zetsu, who was snarling at the blank-faced Naruto.

"Alright, let's fall back. Our mission has failed."

"Okay, but Zetsu, why are you still a woman?"

Zetsu threw a withering glare back at Kisame before sinking down into the shadows. As the others followed suit, Naruto heard Sasori whisper to Itachi.

"It looks like Deidara is still a woman as well…"

Naruto shrugged his shoulders and headed back towards his new compound. Things were getting stranger and stranger. Hopefully, he'd be able to reach his house without anything else happening. He needed a good dose of Ino-hime to recover from the stresses that had built up. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen.

"YOSH! IF IT ISN'T THE YOUTHFUL NARUTO-KUN!"

Naruto facepalmed and continued to walk towards his house. Hopefully they would get the hint and leave.

"OHH! HIS HIPNESS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME, GAI-SENSEI!"

Guess not.

"He's pretty hot…"

"Indeed, it is as my daughters have said. The son of Minato truly is full of youthful vigor."

'_What the hell?'_

Naruto turned to face a quartet of green-clad shinobi. Gai and Lee were no surprise, but Naruto nearly choked on his spit when he saw Sai and Hiashi standing, sporting bowl cuts and large, gleaming smiles. Both were also sporting the Green Beast spandex, although the ankle weights were replaced by leg warmers. Hiashi spoke up.

"Ah, Namikaze-san. I take it that you are surprised by our appearances. I assure you that we mean no harm here. Indeed, we were hoping that you would come join our cause. My most unyouthful nephew has decided to fraternize with a group of most unyouthful shinobi. I have taken up arms with Gai-san in order to return Neji back to the Hyuuga ways. If the eyes of the Hyuuga were to fall into the hands of the powers of perversion, the dignity of the Hyuuga clan would be lost forever."

Naruto nodded, not really understanding what the Hyuuga clan head was saying. In fact, most of his mental faculties were offline, thanks to the actions of the Green Beasts. Finally, his self-preservation instincts kicked in, and he activated the Hirashin before anything else could happen, leaving a still-ranting Hiashi in his wake.

Naruto arrived at his compound in a brilliant white flash with a sigh of relief. Finally he could get some rest. Or maybe Ino could comfort him. Naruto giggled as he thought of exactly how Ino could comfort him. He opened the door and stepped in with a smile on his face.

"NARUTO!"

'_What's Ino doing here? Ahh, maybe she was waiting for me here so that she can give me some love. Oh man, I can't wait. Ino-chan, here I come!'_ 

Naruto rushed towards Ino with his arms outstretched, only to crash face-first into Ino's fist. Naruto flew backwards from the force of the blow and looked at Ino with tears in his eyes.

"Ino-chan?"

"Naruto… why?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you so popular with everyone?"

"Ino… you aren't making any sense."

_Flashback_

_Tsunade sat in her office, trying to stave off the newest headache, thanks indirectly to Naruto. She held three letters in her hand. One by one, the summoned kunoichi trickled into the room. Finally, after Anko slithered in with a stick of Dango in hand, Tsunade cleared her throat to get everyone's attention._

"_Okay, I'm just going to get this out of the way, because I know things will get worse if I put this off any longer. I know that many of you are interested in Namikaze Naruto."_

_At this, many of the kunoichi blushed various shades of red. Tsunade ignored the love-struck kunoichi and continued as if she didn't notice._

"_I have in my hand letters from three princesses: Haruna from the Greenery Country, Toki from Bird Country and Yukie from Spring Country. Each of them have expressed a great interest in visiting Konoha. I took a look into their previous involvement with Konoha, and guess what? Namikaze Naruto just happened to be on the escort squad for each of the three princesses. The reports from each of the missions all state that the princesses have all shown great interest in Naruto."_

_The kunoichi shuffled their feet nervously. They could compete against fellow kunoichi, but fighting over a man with royalty was simply asking for suicide. They'd have to think of a new strategy if Haruna, Toki and Yukie were seriously after their blond heartthrob._

_Tsunade smirked at the uncomfortable squirms from the kunoichi._

"_Well, I suppose I don't have to tell you what that means. I expect you all to behave with decorum in a way that will not strain our relations with any of the countries that the princesses come from. Oh, and they should be arriving later today, so I expect you all to be on your best behavior, or else I'll have you all cleaning out the Inuzaka dog compound. I heard that Inuzaka Kiba has taken apprenticeship with Jiraiya…"_

_End Flashback_

"So I guess this is it, Naruto? The time we spent together was short, but nice. Even when you're with those three dream princesses, don't forget me. Alright, Naruto?"

"…"

Ino turned towards the door and began to head out, but Naruto's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Baka… Did you think that I'm going to let you go, just like that? Ino, you're a princess in my world. You have shown me a kindness that I can never repay. I want you to stay by my side forever, Ino-chan."

With tears in her eyes, Ino leapt into Naruto's arms. The anxiety that had built up in her stomach over the past few hours was gone. Ino eagerly sought out Naruto's lips with her own, and soon the two young blonds were kissing one another with fiery passion. Ino was so caught up in Naruto's ministrations that she didn't notice Naruto pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.

After four hours of noisy, raunchy sex, Ino stumbled out of the Namikaze Compound limping slightly, but wearing a large shit-eating grin. It didn't matter that the princesses were coming. Hell, maybe Naruto would let her join in now and then for some more fun.

Inside the compound, Naruto lay in bed, exhausted when he spotted a scroll on the nightstand. It's contents were simple:

_Brat,_

_Come to my office right away._

_Tsunade_

When he got there, an irate Tsunade scowled at him.

"Alright brat, I have a mission for you. Three princesses from various countries have decided to visit Konoha. It's your job to protect and escort them during their visit here."

"So Yukie-hime, Haruna-hime and Toki-hime are all coming to visit, huh? I can't wait to see them!"

"Ino's told you about it then, I'm guessing."

Tsunade glanced into her crystal ball and smirked.

"Well, it looks like all three of them are gathered at the village gate. Why don't you go down them and greet them."

As Naruto walked out of the office, he heard Tsunade call out to him.

"Remember to use protection, Naru-chan. The idea of having little Narutos run around Konoha is scary enough. We don't want the same thing happening everywhere else."

Naruto tripped on his feet and fell to the ground, blushing.

Meanwhile, Yugito and Killer Bee were still on the path towards Konoha. Yugito was doing her best to control her temper and not maim her traveling companion.

"Hey Yugito, I have a new rap for you."

"Don't want to hear it."

"Here goes:

Yo my name's Killer Bee

I'm a shinobi as ya can plainly see

This is a challenge to you from me

But first, let's take a break, cuz I need ta p-"

Yugito's knee to the groin cut off Killer Bee could he finish the rap.

99999999999999999999999999

**Well, that's chapter 9. Hopefully, now that I'm not totally swamped with schoolwork, I'll be able to get updates out faster.**

**Voting time!**

**In:**

**Ino, Tayuya, Shion, Toki, Yukie, Haruna, Anko, Kurenai, Yugao, Hana, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, Tenten, Shizune, Yugito, FemHaku, Karin, Kyuubi's younger sister, Tsunade, Tora, Ayame, Tsunami**

**Remember, one final spot left in Naruto's harem. Note: Even if a girl isn't in the harem, there is still one more 'team' that needs members (I haven't revealed it yet)**

**Pick one girl**

**Yakumo(0)**

**Fem Zetsu(4)**

**Sasame(2)**

**Rin(4)**

**Isaribi(5)**

**Hanabi(9)**

**NOTE: All the guys will eventually be put in either Team Hentai or in the Green Beasts**

**Team Hentai**

**In: Kiba, Neji, Shino, Gaara**

**Pick whoever and however many you want**

**Kudamaru(1)**

**Hidan(7)**

**Kankuro(16)**

**Zabuza(11)**

**Kabuto(1)**

**Konohamaru(9) Inari will be on the opposite squad as Konohamaru**

**Shikamaru(2)**

**Kyuubi's father(0)**

**Tazuna(0)**

**Raikage(0)**

**Izumo(0) (Kotetsu will be on the other side)**

**Green Beasts**

**In: Killer Bee, Sai, Hiashi**

**Pick whoever and however many you want**

**Chouji(9)**

**Danzo(6)**

**Konohamaru(3) Inari will be on the opposite squad as Konohamaru**

**Hidan(2)**

**Kakashi(1)**

**Shikamaru(1)**

**Zabuza(4)**

**Tazuna(3)**

**Kyuubi's father(7)**

**Raikage(1)**

**Izumo(0) (Kotetsu will be on the other side)**

**Next member of the harem- pick one**

**Temari(0)**

**Tenten(0)**

**Shion(0)**

**Yugito(0)**

**Hana/Tsume(0)**

**Shizune(0)**


End file.
